Date: 7/9/2019
By salvo
It starts with just me (except I just finished watching Good Omens so “me” is Michael Sheen as Aziraphale). I’m in a barren, sandy plane. Someone (God?) tells me that I can build whatever I want. I make the plain super grassy and beautiful and full of life and I live there. I build myself a house out of rocks and there is this montage of me through the centuries renovating and changing it. Eventually it shows me cooking a meal with no meat. All this time I have not killed an animal (this is important). All of a sudden, this being appears. It is entirely blue, made out of all one material, and in the shape of a human. Its eyes are completely white. It smiles at me and we become companions. For a very long time, I teach it about the world. One day, when showing it a deer, it pulls a bow and arrow from the material it’s made from and shoots the deer. I yell and ask why it did that, and it says that’s how they do it where he’s from. I start crying and say that we don’t kill animals here. This is our first conflict. Much longer after that, I am helping a giant bug thing take care of her young, which are very small. I put one into some tall grass so it can hide, and the blue being comes from nowhere and hits my hand, which makes me smash the baby. I run away crying, and the being then forces the mother to eat the baby’s carcass (gross ik). After that, I try to avoid the creature, but it still follows me and torments me by screwing up the natural order of things. As many millennia go by, the blue creature gets stronger. It gains the power to shape reality with just a word. From causing plagues (Black Plague, anyone?) to war (WWI, etc.), it constantly tries to upset me. ((There is a brief interlude in what is now the modern day where I go to buy a wallet at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but that’s beside the point.)) Now, in the present, I have managed to avoid the creature for a long time, and I live with one roommate, a college history professor. He gets home and I ask about his day. He begins telling me about the lesson he taught that day about the two World Wars, and then all of a sudden from a doorway to my left, I hear the blue creature say, “You know the Axis Powers won World War II, right?” It’s already too late for me to do anything and with a blink my surroundings change. The walls are covered in Nazi paraphernalia and the professor (who was wearing a drab tweed suit before) is now in an S.S. uniform. Dazed, the professor says, “now that I think about it, you’re right.” He says he wants to go to bed, and I try to stop him, but the blue creature grins wickedly and shakes his head. He says something along the lines of “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, or else he might forget who he is.” I keep yelling at the professor to stop as he makes his way to his bed. He lays down on his back without changing clothes or getting under the blankets. A second later, the professor sits up and looks around confused. He asks, “Where am I?” At this point I’m yelling at the creature to stop but he only laughs maniacally. That’s when I wake up.