Visiting Mom

Date: 1/13/2019

I decide to visit HL at home. His mom answers the door and is happy to see me. She congratulates me on being cancer free. HL comes out of a room wearing pajamas. I guess he was napping. It’s not morning. I’m happy to see him, and as groggy as he is, he’s happy to see me. We play board games together and chat. His mom is so happy that I’m there. HL is also very happy. I realize this as time progresses while I’m at his house. I’m happy to be in their company, but especially HL’s. Eventually I leave, and I say goodbye to HL, hugging him before I go. It feels so natural. It’s the next day. My mom comes to visit me (but she’s dead, and has been for 13 years ... here she is alive). I don’t feel comfortable with her visiting me. I take her to HL’s house. I do feel a little bad about it, but KL seems okay with it. She understands. My mom loves his mom, and they chat for a long time and mom is so very happy. I’ve not seen her laugh like this in a long time. Years went by when she was alive when I didn’t see her laugh like this. I’m so happy to see it. I tell HL about it. We are sitting next to each other under a thick, soft pink comforter. We are also laughing a lot, and having good conversation. I see Jeremiah (ex boyfriend from about 20 years ago) on the couch, in a different room. As I pass him, he says “I don’t like your boyfriend”. That makes me jump. HL is not my boyfriend. He is a friend. But, it’s obvious to a few people that we like each other very much. Also obvious to Jeremiah. I was going to tell him that, but I decide to let it go. It doesn’t matter. I know HL is in the adjacent room and would hear. I don’t want him to hear me say “he and I are just friends” as if I didn’t want it to be more than that, or that it could never be like that. I don’t want to hurt him in any way. I don’t like Jeremiah at all, so what is the point? I’m annoyed at him for even bringing it up. He complains further that he is too loud and immature. I say „You shouldn’t say that. You are a guest in his home. He is young and energetic, sometimes loud. I don’t care. He makes me happy, he makes my mom happy, I love his family too. I would love to be a part of this family. You can get over it or leave.” He leaves, but I don’t stay around to see it happen. Soon it is time for us to leave. I say my goodbyes, hug HL, note how tall he is, enjoying that fact. He goes to say goodnight to his cousins, who are also in the house. I go to do something and when I come back, mom and his mom are drinking wine together on the couch. My mom has a guilty look on her face. I decide to go find HL and spend more time with him. I find the cousins. There are three of them with platinum blonde hair piled up in a bed together. They don’t know where HL is. I realize I have something in my teeth and need to get it out. I’m afraid I have bad breath. What if HL decides to kiss me? I decide that would be a bad situation indeed, to have bad breath. I find a bathroom and take care of the situation, though I’m still afraid my breath stinks. I still can’t find HL. I decide to wait for him in his room. I sit on his bed, noting the already made bed. The organization and cleanliness. I approve. On the walls are magazine holders with magazines in them. So so so many filling up the walls. I try to be patient, but I want to see HL so badly. I get the feeling he is in the shower. He will come in through the other door, on the other side of the room. I wake up, as I realize I’m dreaming.