She Saw Through Me😢

Date: 5/8/2017

It was Ashlee's birthday and we were getting our nails done. These other girls came at the same time we did and took all the nice seats, even though I told them it was Ashlee's birthday. So we had to wait for them to finish. They were acting really snooty. There was this room with a bunch of trampoline's. I went in and began to dance on them. A lady doing nails saw me, she was bigger and Hispanic. When I was done I went back to the nails room and she said, "That was so beautiful." Then she started to cry. She said my dance looked really sad and she asked if I was depressed. I started to cry because no one ever asked me that and it was so hard for me to tell people how I felt. I told her I wasn't sure, because in real life I'm not, so she gave me these cards. The ones that I related to I was to keep. The more I related to meant I was depressed. Some talked about eating disorders, anxiety, etc. I didn't keep very many, but the one about self hate related to me and I stuck it on top. I kept an anxiety one too. Taydem and Olivia were with me when we did this. Taydem was just stone hard the whole time and watched me, Olivia was more sympathetic. I was so afraid to not get enough cards because I wanted their concern, but if I wasn't depressed I didn't think I would get it. I gave the cards back to the women. I was not depressed, just had certain issues from the pile of cards I chose. She saw I put the self hate one on top. She started to tell me a story about how she lived in a country once where people were very rude to anyone who looked overweight, and it was hard for her to like herself. She moved to America for freedom from that, but sometimes she was still judged and it was horrible to live with, but she was here and okay. I said sorry. She said that she loved me and gave me a hug. This was all hard for me, I was shaking the whole time because I always want to tell people how I hurt sometimes, but no one ever wants to hear it. I wanted to do it right and not regret anything when I left. Her compassion was overwhelming and her worry for me. I've never had a dream give me the feeling of sadness this did. Ashlee's mom came and saw we were still waiting to get our nails done. We started to just do them ourselves. I did a light pink and a purple color. Everyone just treated me like normal, and I brought nothing up. I acted happy.