choosing..

Date: 1/5/2017

I'm in a small town and my boyfriend is lucas and i love him but we had just got into a fight. we are in some ruins outside our town that looks like Aztec and he proposes to me right then and there. I panic feeling overwhelmed and I run out of there. I keep running and running until I get to the big city. it's got huge towers and is super busy. but it's kind of cold out so I enter one of the large buildings. I'm shivering and I'm sure i looked upset when a kind gentlemen grabs my hand asking if I'm okay. he is in a business suit and has short hair, and he is very friendly with me. I say I'm fine I just was getting in from the cold. he asks if I'm in trouble and I tell him no. but then he smiles at me, a genuine smile as though he wants to protect me and I know he's not a bad guy. he then asks me if I need a place to stay and I say that would very nice of him. he takes me upstairs and he's bossing around all these people who look genuinely worried about me. telling them to get a meal started or find me a coat. I realize then he is the boss, and owns the building we are in. we get to a elevator at the top of a flight of stairs and we take it. I don't know how high up the building is but we go to the very top. the whole level is his home he tells me. the far left has guest bedrooms. he gives me a tour, this is the kitchen and living room and all the other stuff. he introduces me to the other people living there for awhile. but they are all his employees and I feel out of place. the business man kisses my hand and says he has to go do something but he will be back. one of the employees a boy around my age with dark hair and brown eyes steps up and starts another conversation with me. he is talking up his boss, about how truly wonderful of a guy he is, and what he has done for him and his life. and he tells me his room is right next door to mine if I need anything. I enter my new room and it's a white room, white bed, white shelfs, white everything.i think the time speeds up here as though I've been there a couple days. a young girl whose a little younger then me is knocking on my door. I open it and she pulls me out. I have a feeling we are good friends and we talk and talk. out comes the boy my age and he smiles at me to hand me a rose. the little girl disappears and I feel the need to kiss him because I must know him. he slowly lifts his hand to my face because I think he is suprised that I would be so passionate about it. we kiss for a few seconds when we hear someone coming and stop, by seperating ourselflves from eachother. it is the original business man and he asks me if I can help him. I pop up and say sure! we are now in his office and he tells me he did a contest at the building to see who would get to travel on a tour and says he needs me to pull the paper out of the hat. so I do but there is only two. I'm curious so I grab both and then innocently say I didn't mean too. the boy I'd kissed earlier was on one and another young boy was there too. the boss tells me oh well they can just both work together and sing together. he then calls me over and asks me how I've been. my heart starts pounding like it's going to explode and pulls me close and embraces me into a hug. I can feel his love for me, as it pours over through this warm and wonderful hug. he sticks his head back and asks me why I am so wonderful. I have to laugh and tell him I'm not, he's the hero here. and he tells me he fell in love with me the day I came in soaking wet and cold that first day. He says he only wants to respect my wishes and had good intentions and I kiss him softly on the cheek. he in return kisses my cheek, then my neck to my collarbone, and then he kisses under my chin. I feel my heart beating faster and faster. and he whispers in my ear that I am the most beautiful and funny women he has ever seen. he then kisses my lips with such force that I'm taken aback, that someone could love me this much. and I feel it is love and not lust, I feel his respect and concern. I start to kiss back and the scene changes and I'm outside of myself watching a white bed with him above me and I see we are not wearing clothes. but it isn't gross, it reminds me of true love, of what is a husband and wife should be, he must feel it too because he asks me to marry him.. and the scene ends. I get out of bed. I remember lucas. lucas lucas. now I see what he has been up too. he has called everyone possible, he has searched neighboring towns and cities and finally got to this city. I see him going from store to store and I began to freak out. I'm hot and sweaty and I start to run. all of his workers ask me if I'm okay as I run out if the building and into the cold in just a Tshirt and jeans. I'm running and I found him and he finds me and he's kissing and hugging and crying becuase he thought he would never see me again and I feel my love and his love. how is it possible to love 2 people at rhe same time with so much love? but now the boss is gone in my head becuase lucas is my first true love and he intoxicating. we are in his car and we are together. I believe we do it, but I think it's just a feeling. as soon as that is over I realize what I've done. I tell him we can't be and I'm getting married, and I'm sorry and I run once again. I get intercepted by some of the bosses employees the ones that are my friends too. they hug me telling me everyone was so worried about you. boss has been out of his mind. they bring me back to the building and I see him at the top of that first flight of stairs. he runs down to me telling me he is sorry. he crossed the line. he knows it's too soon for something like that and he kisses my forehead. and a warmth spreads through my cold body and I just hug him and breath out a sigh of relief. I'm so happy and then he takes a step back to look at me. I tell him the truth of what happened and he just held me. we are alone at this point and I feel as though we are the only two in the world. he tells me it's okay. he understands and I just crush him with another hug. we go back upstairs to his room level and we just lay next to eachother on the bed. I feel as though months go by and I feel sick one day. I'm overheated I'm stressed out and I need to get out of there so I leave. I get in the elevater to the first floor and as I start to walk done the floor I feel faint. someone grabs me but I still black out. I wake up to everyone around me and I see the boss crying and has his hands stroking through my hair. and I look at him and ask what's wrong? he tells me there are happy tears. I look around and I notice a small bump on my belly. I'm pregnant. I'm really pregnant. the boss says I'm gonna be a dad. and his mother comes over and hugs me and says we have much to do. I feel so much love and I smile and can't stop smiling. we are goin to some shop, his mother and I and it's like we are on a beach. we are playing with little sea animals and pets and deciding on homes and wedding plans. I know the child is a boy and I love him with my whole heart. I rub my stomach and feel a little movement. I see my dog asher running towards me, I feel like if haven't seen him in years and he is whining happy noises and barrels into me. I instantly get nervous he will freak out about my being pregnant. but he just nudges my huge stomach with his nose and wags his tail. I know he would never hurt me or my soon to be son. I see that original employee I had kissed and we are good friends now. we all go play in the shallow waves and are trying to find all way around the mud when I start to fall but he lands under me for protection and he has something around his neck and I feel the deja vu and kiss him while laughing because I see the boss. then the younger girl who is my friend exclaims what just happened?! I realize it is the young boy and I get up and exclaim I got confused by the thing around his neck and we got caught up in the moment and she is freaked asking if it is his baby and in say no way and so does he. we've only kissed one time on the first day I got there. etc. she calms down but then I start to freak out. lucas. it could be lucass child. and I'm hot and sweaty and i feel the panic attack again and I'm running once again. what do I do? the boss was so much more kind to me, he could provide for me, this is good innocent, full love and I don't know if it is lucass child? but deep down I got the feeling it was. I'm crying and so upset with myself. I get to the Aztec ruins and lucas is there, he wipes away my tears as i tell him everything. and he starts to tear up and smile because I chose him. I chose my first love that was painful, and not perfect. that was a much harder path. we hug and he feels that baby bump with his hand. I'm not sure that I chose the right thing but I couldn't pretend the baby was the bosses, it wouldn't be fair to him.