mall machines

Date: 8/22/2017

By columbo

i was at the mall for some reason with alton brown and we notice these big machines in the distance, there are two next to eachother and theyre both this glossy white color with orange trim and theyre like... theres a big giant back part that looks like the top half of an egg and theres a door panel on it, and then a hanging seat a few feet in front of that part were the operators sit, and then a big basket in front of the operators. so we go closer and we see that the machines have tv screens attached, and one is showing an ad and the other is showing the inside of one of the machines- the one showing the inside is empty, but its like a pov of the inside. theres a seat inside, and these big rotating wheels that start up and spin really fast? it also looks like the armrests have straps on them, and the screen showing the ad just says "eat your friends!" and in small print "IRREVERSIBLE" i still dont quite get it yet but i have this sense of just absolute Dread, and thats when some lady walks up and steps inside the machine on the right. this one is being operated by a girl i know from school- lexi. lexi closes the door to the egg pod, and presses some buttons on her operator's chair to start the machine. theres a few seconds of silence, then just, this horrible grinding noise and pained screaming, and something that looks like giant ramen is extruded into the basket in front of lexi- thats not just a comparison, it was legit a massive bowl of ramen, complete with toppings. then the door to the pod opened, and it was empty. alton brown and i were, quite reasonably, fucked up by this. i go "what the hell are you doing?!?" and lexi gives me this vacant smile and just says "its fun!" and at this point i think alton had seen these machines before because he asks lexi if shes drugged, which makes her visibly angry but she doesnt leave the chair. alton explains to me that the companies who own these machines keep the operators drugged from day 1 so they never realize theyre killing people. we start wondering if theres any way to stop the machines, but i woke up before we could actually do anything,