Darkness Comes In Myriad Form

Date: 8/1/2017

I was on this black barge in the middle of space. I didnt recall how I got there but after a while it didn't matter. It was one of those things you just knew after a while, the barge was a replacement for a planet. We were so far out of reach of planets it wasn't even possible to get to one. It was so far from Earth I knew I'd never see it again. Or that was at least the common consensus. I personally disbelieved a lot of what they told me, of what everyone knew. They kept trying to teach me how things worked though. ~ I tried to pot tiny flowers in clay, tiny pots and tiny flowers like for a dollhouse. It was difficult and when I asked the horticulturist for help he told me those would never flower in time and destroyed them, replanting simple poppies in red clay. I was a bit upset. ~ I worked out in a gym. I was a man while I did, and a woman had just started the gym up. She had hand made everything to help get people in shape. It was her first appointment and I thought she was awfully young and too green to be responsible for an entire ships exercise regime. But when she put me though her system I was reluctantly impressed. I was this huge tall muscular man, the kind who'd have to spend a lot of time weight lifting to keep that body, but her regime left me shaking and sore. It wasn't even that elaborate it was just the way she made me think about it which made the difference. She even directed my movements with visualization techniques invoking pretty girls and whatnot. It worked out really well. I also noticed she keep pace with me and had created the weight out of simple things like sand and buckets. ~ I had been on the ship too long maybe, I was beginning to get bored. They put on theater shows, bad ones, just to keep busy. I attended them and laughed and then a chocolate cake was served and someone offered me heroine. I was reluctant, at first, having never done drugs. It made me wary but then I noticed they all took it and I had serious thoughts about it. I realized they all saw life much differently than I did, while under the drug, and i decided to take a change. I kept arguing with myself, worried now the doctors would think less of me every time I was asked about drug history now. I always had been able to say I hadn't taken drugs before, but now I worried I would have to tell them otherwise. But i took it anyway, I was curious, and it was like seeing pastel colorful cartoons overlayed on everything and everyone. We all sprinkled it on chocolate cake and snorted it off, some licked it. I was very into it after a while, but I kept the on going arguement with myself for the duration. ~ I managed to bring friends here from Earth, a white guy and black girl, the laid back kinda people who were amazing and happy to see me but not too concerned as you'd think they would be. It wasn't really my intention to do it but after I did I realized I couldn't ever send them back, it was a one way trip. I felt bad about that, I hadn't meant to bring them and had just thought about them. Now they could never leave. Of course that was the common consensus, you couldn't leave after you arrived. They had spent hundreds of years stranded here, accepting the slow trickle of new inhabitants. And even the nearest planets was off limits. It was an incredibly disheartening show. I disagreed with them on many things but even I was slowly coming to believe it all. ~ I was in this makeshift school, realize I was in my late teens early twenties here. I was also female most of the time, except for the gym scene. The teacher didn't appreciate me. She kept failing me because of a few grades. I would answer every question and those I missed she would mark down. A classmate hissed at me to stop answering questions, she only graded those you answered, but I didn't listen. I didn't feel the grades were very important at all. ~ One of the girls in my class got a nosebleed from the nearing solar eclipse. It was minutes away and it blocked out the sun completely. Yes we were still on the space barge and the windows were open to view the surrounding area, just the sun and space really. It was supposedly a sign that she got the nosebleed at the solar eclipse, it made her special some sort of mystic figure. I wondered why everyone feared the eclipse but I didn't have much time to wonder as I got a nosebleed too. I asked her if there was anything I do to help her. She seemed startled by the offer and then when I profusely expressed my willingness to do anything to make sure she lived another year, a month, a single day further, she began to believe me. She took off and was back in a second with her sick old mother on a gurney. Her mother was wrinkled and dying, some heart thing. She said a clinical name but I forget what it was. She wanted my help to save her. I followed them back out into the hall, hoping a doctor might be able to explain what I needed to do, and I too the girls hand only to realize the girl was her mother. A crone. An evil witch the girl said and stared at me defiantly, threatening, and I was scared for a moment until I realized I didn't really care about evil that much. I was willing to help her regardless, is that what you're suppose to do? I wondered about interfering, we're not supposed to interfere in mortal affairs but I felt pulled to love the evil thing anyway, as it needed to be loved. The last scene of the dream was me stretched taller than the universe with it swirling inside my head, I was a man the size of galaxies and space and eternity and the crone woman sick and twisted and helpless lay in my hand with a broken heart, and I made the decision to help her.