The Softer Rejects

Date: 4/4/2017

I go to the dentist for a check up but instead of checking my mouth he does a vaginal exam. He goes through all the proper procedures, that cold clamp thing goes up there and he checks me out, it feels like those metal tools touch my teeth I'm not expecting the odd size of them. One is a kinda misshapen mountain metal instrument. It's not there long he finishes and dims the light and leaves. I wonder how he managed the exam with my menstrual cup still in there. Then, while waiting for him to return, I fall asleep. I wake up to a nurse chastising me softly. She said it's against the rules for me to sleep here. I explain I just was waiting for the doctor and must have accidentally fall asleep but it doesn't seem to excuse me. I am home again, with a group of my people. They are less like roommates, more like family, but born of circumstance. We all live in this underground city/home which takes good care of us. We're all a bit special needs in one way or another and not the typical special needs but a more, uhh circus freak kind. This guy often comes to see us, is kinda like our leader, and he is directing a movie on YouTube. He is one of us actually. He promises us better accommodations when he finishes his movie. I play with a huge toy trainset. It might be part of my therapy or my disorder I'm not sure. But I get really into it. The trainset is taller than me, it is all bright primary colors, I think it's make of wooden blocks. I keep playing and I'm having a good time. Then I crash something and a building crumbles. Inside are a bunch of cookies left by another kid playing with it previously, little chocolate covering Graham cracker and marshmallow in tiny bite pieces. I immediately eat one, then another. I am so hungry for sugar, I haven't had any for a long while and I just see the cookies and scarf them. After a moment I feel bad I didn't check to see if they are vegan first and then suppose they probably aren't because of the marshmallow. I feel bad. Damn that sugar addiction. We move to a new location. The movie hasn't come through yet, I'm not sure he's actually creating it or that's his delusion. But we move and the room I get is basically a tent in the ground with the ground dug under it and some plastic boxes stacked up to support a mattress for us to sleep. I sleep with at least one other person. It's a girl, a redhead, who understands why I am so broken. That I am scared to be close to anyone. She understands. We pass the night apart on the bed, then something happens, and the night rewinds and then we pass the night close together, cuddling a bit. I wake up later, before morning, and watch myself still asleep with her but the mattress is flooded in water. That why the boxes were stacked beneath the mattress, to level it up off the water. Water soaks the whole floor of the tent and I push away through a the flap into the next 'room' which is still tent. Then there is a swarm of bugs, like tiny locusts, and I feel upset until I recognize them as krill​. I realize they are harmless and I go back into the tent to see my bed partner is in a mess of wet blankets still asleep. So am I actually. I worry they can't breathe through all that water. The movie directing guy finds us, all of us, and declares we can't possibly accept these conditions. The group argues we have no where else to go, no money for a nice place. He proposed we make a petition to move to a township in Brooklyn, apparently we aren't allowed to go there. The group protests, out of fear of rejection than anything else, but I feel differently. I know the outcome of this dream, I've dreamt it before and I have a vision of a purple room in a nice house in this township in Brooklyn. I am trying to ignore what I know so I can experience the dream however. Finally the movie director guy does finish his movie, and we all get these little things we've been wanting. It begins with the guy in black paint, he's always seemed scary and like a beast with horns but he takes off this paint and I recognize him as someone I adore. I immediately ship him with other guys I know, which might be actual people or just celebrities, and know they're going to be perfect for each other.