Placid Penitence

Date: 5/24/2017

There was a package from the mail. I opened it in my room- where my younger brother was. The room was full of brown. Brown cabinets, bed sheets, wooden floors, etc. The golden sunshine seeping through the windows (covered by light brown curtains) emphasized the color of the room. I opened the package. It was a case filled with an iPod nano, used up Apple earphones, and other stuff I did not seem to take notice of. I figured it was from a guy I knew from Reddit. I listened to his music using the earphones he gave. My brother suggested I use his, because the earphones I was holding was yellowish already, but I persisted to use the latter to have the "authentic" experience. I plugged the earphones in and turned the iPod on. The songs alarmed me. They were full of songs about suicide and death. I realized that the guy from Reddit gave me his most valued stuff because he... killed himself. I was horrified. My mom invited me to go out and I joined her, with the iPod and the earphones. I thought a lot during the walk. I remembered how we would discuss 13 Reasons Why in an intellectual manner and I hypothesized if he was the enthusiastic guy I was with in The Falls (my other dream). I was scared. I was terrified. One is because he was only a friend from the internet, I did not know where he lived, and morbidly, how he killed himself and why. Another is that I remembered being so excited that he was giving all these stuff away. I recalled that I was the first to tell him I could use his stuff, thus earning them. I never saw through it. I didn't know his actions was a silent cry for help. What was important to me at that time was what I could get- what could benefit me. I woke up becuase I couldn't take it anymore. I was sweating everywhere. I promised that I would see through people and their words and actions. Always.