Coach Trip Dramas

Date: 9/6/2019

By amandalyle

I was travelling on this coach with a bunch of people to these unknown destinations. (It was a bit like that TV show ‘Coach Trip’) The bus driver kept making pit stops at random places and we’d all have to get off the coach. My friend Laura asked me if I wanted her to roll me a cigarette. I said, “Go on then!” And I followed her and some other friends to a big bench. We all sat down and were chatting amongst ourselves. Food was brought over to us, but it was foreign and looked disgusting and it certainly wasn’t what I had ordered. “I can’t eat this!” I complained. This guy who sat next to me (who turned out to be Joey Essex) was eating all sorts of shit ...snails and everything. “Do you eat their bodies?” I asked, and everyone at the table started to laugh. “What?” I replied, confused at what was so funny. He told me to eat this weird looking pile of what looked like mince meat on my plate. “It’s so good!” He said. “Go on try it!” With that said, I forked it into my mouth and it actually wasn’t as bad as it looked. We all piled back into the coach, which had now shrunk to the size of a taxi and everyone had a job squeezing in. Goldie from Hollyoaks had joined us and she was being really bossy, telling everyone where they should or shouldn’t be sitting. “What a bitch!” I secretly thought. Eventually we reached the next stop, which looked like some sort of kids play park (a bit like crealy) with animals dotted around. My two sons and my daughter, Phoebe, were with me and she had climbed onto my back for a piggyback ride (despite being 14 and probably weighing more than myself). She kept whispering “I love you” in my ear and I remember feeling strangely happy. Once we reached the park, the kids went off in different directions to play and my husband and I snuck off to get some ‘sexy time’ in before we all agreed to meet up again. We found a bed (that matched ours at home exactly!) I don’t remember too much about the sex itself, so it couldn’t have been too overawing but, sure enough, afterwards, we all met back up and got back on the coach. Next scene; I was sat on this bench (what’s with all the benches?!) with these people I didn’t recognise. One guy called me over to sit with him over on his side. He was teaching me this magic handshake which went ... fist bump, wriggle fingers, high five, side five, low five, blow five ... in which he grabbed my head and thrusted it into his lap. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked. “I hardly know you!” He looked genuinely shocked and replied “Sorry, I was only joking with you!” I laughed awkwardly, not really finding it that funny.