The One With My Claim to Fame

Date: 8/26/2024

I’m watching the preview for some sort of horror movie where two sisters live in an orphanage — although they’re definitely adults — and do some sort of demonic ritual where they consume the other people they come across by splitting in half, emitting some sort of bright light, and absorbing them. To lure each person, they start telling them horrible things about how no one will miss them until the person starts crying and gives in. I watch as they do this to a young guy. When he disappears between them, the light goes away and they both look like their normal selves again. I watch as they turn toward a bed behind them and approach the girl laying in it. I think about how she doesn’t stand a chance when she suddenly does some sort of weird move and everything starts looking blurry and psychedelic as things go in slow motion (it looks like something out of one of Brody’s anime shows). I realize that this girl must have some sort of special powers to fight the demon girls with. Suddenly, the entire scene changes to a tranquil river surrounded by trees and steep rocks and a narrator with a deep voice explains part of the girl’s backstory. From this, I learn that she’s paralyzed to some degree. I watch as she’s dumped in the water for some form of a baptism. A group of people pull her up out of the water (she’s quickly hit the bottom of the riverbed) and celebrate. At some point, she’s taken away by paramedics. Somehow, I start seeing everything from the point of view of one of the paramedics. I’ve wrapped my body around the girl to keep her warm as we zoom — not in a vehicle, but floating above the ground — down the road, toward what feels like Christa McAuliffe. We end up in what looks like some sort of fancy hotel where the unfriendly girl at the front desk tries to stop us from coming in. I hear one of the other paramedics yell, “F— you!” as we continue running. Somehow, I turn back into myself, standing in line at an ice cream parlor inside the hotel. I’m here with a few friends I’ve apparently made from Claim to Fame (the ridiculous show Brody and I have been watching together), one of which is Chris Osmond who is, for some reason, curled up in an old-fashioned stroller. Shane (from Season 3) — who’s pushing the stroller — and the girl I’m with are talking about something when Shane says something about when he met Donny Osmond. Excitedly, I tell him that Chris is Donny’s son.