The One With the Rumblefish

Date: 5/23/2019

By nicolezdzieba

I’m in the car with Nicole and Kailyn and they’re telling me that they’re going to buy me embarrassing things for my bridal shower. I get all bashful and say, “If you’re going to buy me that stuff, can you at least get me a couple of bras that I’ll actually wear? I really need bras.” ... I’m on some kind of ride through a pet store. I see a huge, clean fish tank, point at it and tell Brody that I want my fish tank to look like that. He thinks I mean huge, but I just mean clean. At some point, we get off the ride and I go up to the tank and look at it. There are two colorful beta fish inside, and I get nervous because I think they’re going to kill each other. The guy who owns the store notices my discomfort and tells me that those two breeds of beta are fine together. I get all excited and start looking at the betas he has. I show him two that look exactly like Hamlet and ask if they’re the type of fish that you can put with others. He says that they are, so I start going through the others. There are brightly colored ones (like a lime green and red one) and ones with weird patterns (a black and white one that looks cross-stitched) ... I watch a video about a really ugly guy and his girlfriend having a baby in their car. At some point, I’m actually there, kind of hovering over everything without a body. The girl (who looks like a teenager) has the baby with her pants still on somehow. The baby comes out covered in white gunk. She lays the baby on her chest and tries to use it to clean the afterbirth on her shirt off ... There’s an award show and the last two winners are women. I think about how feminist this is.