Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 10/12/2025
By zeitfaster
I just remembered this very faintly, that I was standing in front of this old girl who I used to work with. She looked quite dazzling in a blue/turquoise bikini, facing the sun. She is very tall, in real life as well as in the dream, like 6'4". She's taller than I am, I'm only a bit over 6'0". She has a very well formed body, taller people often have great proportioned physiques. She's got a big head, but she is very pretty, and she has a big golden brown hedge of curled hair. I feel bad for this girl because I led her on. I did like her and enjoyed her company. She was really funny and we always had good banter. A mistake I've made multiple times is thinking there won't be consequences to being charming and friendly with a girl without necessarily having intentions of pursuing anything. But is it a crime to just enjoy someone's company and share your own? Why does this bring with it obligations? But it does, if you do this and there are feelings, at least one person will have feelings that will linger until some kind of resolution. I liked her, I found her likeable and beautiful, but ultimately decided that I didn't want to take on whatever challenges or baggage she might be carrying along with her, that would be entailed in a relationship. I chose my better judgement over pursuing fun. No one was ever outright rejected, I just cooled off but tried to stay friendly, because that's technically all we ever were. I've made this mistake, or had this problem, several times at workplaces. I like to be friendly with everyone, I do enjoy the platonic company of these women, but always I've decided against pursuing more with them because it just doesn't seem worth it to me. I respect them as people, and I wish them the best. But I end up making them suffer because there is some chemistry and then I just end up not taking it further, and I don't explain myself because I don't feel like I strictly have to, all I ever did was just be pleasant and friendly. I want to be pleasant and friendly with the people in my job. But I know they suffer, so I kind of am leading them on I guess? Which is regrettable! The last thing I want to do is make people suffer. But I'm not obligated to go out with anyone if I don't want to. I would love to hear advice from women on how to act more skillfully. Anyway, on to the dream. She's standing there, she looks great as she always did. In real life, I learned recently from social media that she finally has a boyfriend, which I'm truly really glad to hear. Im not sure if I recall correctly, but I think she was trying to make me jealous or throw the boyfriend in my face, like look at me now. And I can't quite recall how I reacted, but I think I told her that I'm happy for her, and I was just neutral. Just my real position on the matter. I'm sorry for that mental pain I unwittingly caused, I am sorry that she would even be in a place if wanting to try to "get me back" by showing her new boyfriend. I liked her, I still do like her as a person, I think she's beautiful, but there were just other things about her that made me not want to get involved. I truly do not care that she has a boyfriend, rather I'm happy that she has that, because I know she was trying to find one for a long time. And I'm glad some other guy out there will take on the delights and challenges of being with her, as I decided that I could not. My question is- I'm sort of dealing with this same thing but at my new work. I'm in the midst of a coworker whom I treated as a friend now liking me, and I don't really want anything with her. I like her some, but I don't want to get involved with her. No one's asked any one out, but she is still hurting like she is being rejected. Ladies, how do you let a girl down easy in this situation, considering I didn't really ask out or reject her? I've never flirted really either. I'm not cruelly like leading her on, and I have a right to not want or have to be with anyone if I don't want to. I've acted friendly because I believe in having a good time and relationship with coworkers. What else am I supposed to do, be quiet and reserved just so she doesn't think that maybe we could be in a relationship? How do I fix this, just lie say I'm gay or in a relationship? That doesn't feel right either, or like it'll work. She'll resent being obviously lied to. I also don't want to really tell her straight up I don't want her. What's a skillful way of doing this that spares her feelings?
AI generated interpretation Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful and introspective reflection alongside your dream. The dream and your accompanying reflections offer rich themes about connection, boundaries, empathy, and the navigation of interpersonal complexities. Symbolically, the dazzling figure of your former coworker in a bright blue/turquoise bikini facing the sun may represent a vivid memory or emotional impression that still holds influence—something radiant, noticeable, and perhaps slightly out of reach. Her height and presence can symbolize someone who felt larger-than-life or particularly impactful in your experience. The sun-facing posture might hint at openness or exposure, suggesting vulnerability beneath the confident exterior. Your neutral but sincere response to her presence reveals emotional maturity and acceptance, a willingness to honor both past feelings and present realities. The emotional themes you describe—balancing friendliness with unintended emotional signals, respecting your own boundaries while acknowledging others’ feelings—are common and nuanced aspects of human relationships. It’s clear you value kindness and fairness, yet grapple with how to communicate honestly without causing hurt or misunderstanding. Regarding your current question about how to navigate this delicate space skillfully and kindly, here are some symbolic and emotional reflections to consider: 1. **Clarity with Compassion:** Often, the most skillful way to prevent misunderstandings is gentle clarity. Acknowledging that you value the friendship and enjoy the positive aspects of the relationship, while kindly clarifying that you do not see the relationship evolving romantically, can help. This approach respects both parties, focusing on honesty without blame or judgment. 2. **Boundaries as Gifts:** Setting emotional boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but they ultimately gift both people with respect and space to pursue feelings that are mutual. By framing boundaries in terms of what you bring to the relationship (friendship, professionalism, appreciation) rather than what you deny, you can soften the message. 3. **Nonverbal Consistency:** Alongside words, consistent and neutral body language can help set the tone—friendly but not flirtatious, warm but reserved. 4. **Avoiding Assumptions:** While it might feel tempting to use explanations that aren’t true (like being in a relationship or gay), these can complicate future trust and aren’t necessary when honest, kind communication is possible. 5. **Encouraging Self-Reflection:** Sometimes, gently encouraging the other person to reflect on their feelings and the dynamic can empower them to come to their own understandings. This can be done by focusing the conversation on your desire to maintain a positive, comfortable atmosphere for both. From the dream’s perspective, the lingering image of the “old flame” and your reflections might also invite you to consider your own patterns and emotional impacts in relationships—not as burdens, but as moments of learning and awareness. Your thoughtful desire not to cause pain, paired with respect for your own boundaries, is a sign of emotional wisdom. If you view this situation symbolically as a dance between generosity and firmness, you might find the grace to move with both honesty and gentleness, honoring your own needs as well as others’ feelings. I hope this offers a calm, symbolic lens on your experience and supports your thoughtful approach to this sensitive interpersonal dance.