Guest Starring on Catfish and a Run in with a Past Fuckboy.

Date: 9/14/2019

I was a guest star on an episode of Catfish along with Nev. We were trying to get to the bottom of who this guy had been talking to all these years but when we rocked up at the suspects house (which was more a trailer, to be fair!) there was no one in. We tried at the neighbouring house (caravan) but a lady said that she’d recently moved away with an aunt, who was an alcoholic and she was being her full time Carer. Defeated, we returned 2 years down the line to eventually find her... but it wasn’t quite the happy ending we had in mind for our sweet catfish(ee). She turned out to be a right mess and things started to turn a bit dark. The dream then follows her life as a drug user, but is shot in a cinematic way (much like the series Euphoria) following the journey of a girl who just doesn’t give a fuck about anything but her next score of drugs. Unfortunately, our catfish(ee) got tangled up in this mess too, as he fell deeply in love with her and pretty much did everything she asked him too. As things took a darker turn, we decided to leave them to it and end the catfish journey. “Good luck to em’” I thought. As we drove home, we got stuck in traffic (in Hankridge of all places!) and Ruby Wax knocked on our window and said that the traffic was due to this new restaurant opening up. She ranted and raved for a moment, then she let us go. I then drove to my mums house (Nev had disappeared by this point and my mum was now in the passenger seat) Her phone kept going off, and I kept side eyeing who was texting her. I saw a message with a heart and thought that maybe she has a new secret admirer. I had mixed feelings about this. As we climbed out of the car, I spotted a guy walking in the direction of my mums house. “What the fuck is going on?” I thought. He clocked me immediately and said “I’m just here for a friend!” It was a super awkward exchange because we had fucked in the past. He didn’t look as hot as he once did, he looked like a meth addict and appeared to have some teeth missing. I walked into my mums house to see what was going on. She was having a huge sort out (as usual) and had collected a huge pile of stuff for the tip, mainly cardboard boxes. I helped her flatten them down and put them onto the growing pile. My mum has disappeared, leaving me to do all the work... so I decided to go find her. Eventually, I found her in the bathroom. She was holding a baby under the water and it’s face was going blue. “What the hell are you doing?” I yelled. “It’s okay,” she replied. “He likes it!” Sure enough, she pulled the baby back up and the little guy was smiling. I nodded and thought nothing more of it. I could then hear some music playing in the other room. Curiosity getting the better of me, I followed the music and found a group of ‘posh’ guys (and past fuck boy), hanging around, smoking and drinking. I sat down next to fuckboy. As I did, he held my hand and then started to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him that I wouldn’t go there with him. He then dropped my hand and went to sit the opposite side of the room. I felt a bit hurt. Kylie, my best friend, was now beside me to console me. “What should I do?” I asked. “You should have just fucked him, mate!” She replied. I was now at Sainsbury’s (back at Hankridge ... by all the traffic!) and I spotted the posh crowd of guys who were hanging out at my mums house previously. I didn’t know whether to wave to them or not. I felt kinda awkward about the last time they were over and I pied off their friend, so I decided to leave it. As I walking over to the cashier, I spotted my friend Liz and her son William in the cosmetics aisle. But, again, decided I didn’t want to bump into them either, just in case they invite me over. I just wanted to be alone. Eventually, I ended up back at my mums house. The guys had all left her some ‘posh’ chocolates as a thank you for letting them use her house to party in 😂 “That’s sweet of them!” I thought. I then noticed that my mum had hung up all these embarrassing childhood photos of me all around the house. “I hope they weren’t there when the guys were around!” I thought.