The One With My Second Wedding

Date: 2/13/2025

Brody and I have apparently decided to have another wedding now that we’ve had kids (this somehow makes sense to me), and it’s minutes away from starting when I realize that I’m not at all ready. I peer through the window of the building — the inside of which sort of looks like a barn venue with wood paneling everywhere, string lights hanging from the ceiling, and flowers — and see all my guests seated and waiting when I start to panic. I run into a building nearby where my mom is supposed to be helping me get ready (it may be her own bathroom) and look in the mirror. I see that I’m wearing a gown so white that it practically glows with long, sheer sleeves. It looks like something a Disney princess would wear, and I try to convince myself that this will all come together in time. My mom starts doing something to my hair when I realize I still need my eye makeup done and practically start crying out of stress. I then notice that I have no earrings in and try to call Renee because I know she has tons of jewelry. I realize quickly that whoever I’m on the phone with isn’t Renee, and look down at my phone to see that it says “Dove,” which I realize is Dove Cameron. I start apologizing profusely and tell her that I didn’t mean to call her. I walk outside for a moment and see Renee sitting at a picnic table eating in jeans and a t-shirt. I call her over and tell her everything that’s going wrong, hoping she’ll be able to help me out. I suddenly struggle to remember if we have a wedding party or not and am immediately furious with myself for having put so little thought into this. The ceremony eventually passes (I don’t remember it somehow) and the reception begins. Everyone seems to be having a good time, which makes me happy. I turn around to see Manny and Lily Rosario standing on a stage with a teenage girl they’ve apparently decided to adopt. I vaguely wonder if this is an appropriate time for them to be doing this, and then decide that I just don’t care anymore, especially considering that Brody and I were already married to begin with … I’m standing outside of a weird 80s-looking building (kind of like Mr. Dr. Deutsch’s office) with Jaycie talking about another girl we know (can’t remember who). She tells me that she and this girl were apparently both planning on getting pregnant “in December.” Whoever we’re talking about is apparently going through some kind of crisis, which makes me forget to react to how crazy what Jaycie just said is … I’m at a show somewhere when a guy who’s supposed to be Arnel Pineda — the Filipino frontman for Journey — but looks like a miniature version of Steve Perry in the 80s comes out and sits down at a standing piano. He’s so small that we can barely see him behind it. At some point, Tito Martin comes out and I realize this is his show. He’s walking around the stage talking to whoever’s controlling the effects and — as I look at his feet and see that he only has socks on with his suit — I decide that everything must be a little bit of a trainwreck. A guy somewhere behind me says, “His voice!” and I realize that they’re referring to what a powerful singer Tito Martin is even though he’s only talking right now. Suddenly, Tito Martin’s demeanor changes and I decide that he must be “on” and ready for the show now. He makes some kind of comment and then starts to sing “Be My Lady.”