World was ending - existential thoughts

Date: 1/14/2021

I dreamt that I knew the world would end in a day. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself so I just kind of made myself some good food for lunch and sat alone for a minute. I thought about what it would feel like and if it would hurt but it was like I already knew how it would happen. I knew I would see a blinding light and go numb like I couldn’t feel my body - that I would have a moment or two of consciousness even while my body had disintegrated. I’m not sure how I knew this but I just knew what would happen so I wasn’t scared of the actual process of dying. When I got a chance to speak to my mum however I cried and told her I was terrified. Not of dying, but of what came with it. I was terrified that this might be it and that was all the time I got with my loved ones. I was so angry and upset and just overall fearful of the idea that I didn’t get enough time with my friends and family. I was devastated that the people I love I wouldn’t be able to spend more time with. I felt cheated and I cried hot tears. I finished my food by a lake and told my friends how I felt. I told them I wished we all had more time and I had a bitter taste in my mouth while struggling to accept the reality that I wouldn’t be with them in the way I wanted. I thought I would miss their company even if missing didn’t exist - if my consciousness was gone I knew that somehow on a cellular level I would miss and ache for them. I had a feeling that maybe this wasn’t it but it wouldn’t be the same. I told them if we ever reincarnated, I would find my way back to them. I would always search for the people I love to fulfil the time I missed.