I'm not allowed to tell my old school friend Stuart C that singer and guitarist of Swedish metal band Opeth, Mikael Akerfeldt has been offered a one million pound contract to play for Wigan Athletic football club. He suspects it but I avoid answering. Following our conversation I discover that I have had a small cage full of female rats that I have been neglecting. I have been feeding them and caring for them but not giving them the social interaction they deserve. I feel ashamed and guilty at my cruelty.