Mexican Vacation, Trying to Call My Ex, and Bernie Sanders

Date: 3/19/2020

I went on a Mexican vacation with my family. We had a nice resort and could easily walk to the beach. When we were at the beach, we didn’t swim, we just stood on the shore and looked out. We saw dolphins. A lifeguard walked into the sea and picked one up. The dolphin was slung over his shoulder and had a cd in its mouth. We went inside, but my mom and I were followed by a hippo. We turn around and it drops a toy at our feet like a dog. We went to our resort and I went to use the bathroom, which was not protected by any walls. There were tapeworms in the toilet. I didn’t go. Then I was either Bernie himself or a Bernie Sanders impersonator (idk the lines were blurred). I got a call from a local daytime talk show to come on and rap with Cardi B. I was then told to run outside because Cardi was on her way. Cardi picked me up—but it wasn’t Cardi, it was my best friend Erin—and we went over when I’d come out and surprise the audience during her song. I’d come in on “BITCH” and finish the song. We rushed inside, did the show, and it was a smashing success. The audience was only middle aged white women and they loved it. After the show, I’m myself and I’m thinking about how I’m home for an extended time bc of the coronavirus. I get a feeling my ex is gonna want to hook up with me while I’m home. I try calling him to set a boundary and say “I don’t want to do this and I don’t want you to ask me to” but he doesn’t answer. I text a group of friends that I wasn’t really a part of and ask in the weirdest way possible: “hey, I’m a week or so, x’s weenie is gonna wanna make a baby with me. Is he in a class right now?” (I guess everyone was still seniors while I was a college freshman for some reason). They say “yeah he’s in class debating abortion, he’s yelling” and I decide to wait to call. Then I’m back home as a Bernie impersonator and Cardi/Erin rushes to my house. She says we don’t have much time and we have to be on the shows next episode. I’m sitting in her speeding car and I’m trying to remember what my Bernie voice is supposed to sound like and the lyrics to the song. I can’t. We pull in as all the white women arrive. We push past them to get inside. That’s when I wake up