I was walking around Asda, when this hot guy with a man bun called out "she squats bro!" Followed by "what a sweet ass!" I was well-chuffed and walk out of the shop with my head held high. When I got out, everything had changed. I was now at Norton Manor Marine Camp and I was trying to get out, but all these barbed wires were around me. "Shit!" I thought. "There must be away out!" Next scene; I was at my house with a bunch of people I didn't recognise. There was a mousy looking girl who didn't say much at all, until her boyfriend rocked up and then she dragged him into the other room, took off her top and was letting him suck her (huge) nipples. I was cautious about her doing this so openly, because I knew my daughter was in that same room. So I walked into the dining room to put a stop to it, and to my absolute horror, saw Kylie's mum having full blown sex on my kitchen table with a guy I didn't know from Adam... and Phoebe was right there, oblivious to it all. Doing her homework, I believe. (At the same table) I was then outside parking the car, when the mousy haired girl took over and said she could park it for me. "Tell me when to break!" She asked me... "but it was too late!" She'd already crashed into the wall. I got out to inspect the damage and starting balling my eyes out. The car was a mess! A grumpy old man standing close by, told me that it was all my fault and I should have been more careful. I lost my cool, run up right up to his face and screamed 'CUNT!' Next scene; I was with Binky and Louise (from Made in Chelsea). We were trying to find somewhere to go for lunch. I was on a bit of a 'Debbie downer' and kept saying how shit of a time I was having. They ignored me and stayed upbeat. Instead of the swish London -Styled bistro I was expecting, we ended up in a casino that served fast food . It was dingy and looked like it hadn't been redecorated in years. Louise was sat with her partner (I can't remember his name?) and we were gushing how sweet they are together. For some reason, she had put him in a high chair and strapped him in like a baby. It was a squeeze, but the straps clicked around him in the end. I didn't bat an eyelid, just said "he's a big lad. Isn't he?" We were then talking about lesbian experiences. Binky and Lucy had one together - apparently they had acted out 'dirty dancing' in sexual positions. "So during the lift, who was on top?" I asked. "We took it in turns!" Binky replied. I told them about my own brief 'Lesbien' encounter (which was slightly less impressive) but they lapped it up like it was the most amazing thing they had ever heard. Next scene; I was Watching a big American-style 'over-the-top' parade - crowds and crowds of star-spangled people were passing by, holding banners in some sort of protest, but I sussed that all the banners with aim at me in some way. Subliminal messages. I was trying to work them out, but became too distracted by all of the people who were passing by. Some of them I knew, others kylie knew. Towards the end, a creepy old guy with gross teeth, stopped and said, "I had sex with you when you were child!" - it wasn't true. He was lying - trying to spook me. "I did, you know I did! You were a boy back then!" He persisted. (Just to clarify, I was never a boy!) "This guy is really freaking me out!" I whispered to kylie. Thankfully, he rejoined the parade in the end and he was gone. When the parade was over, kylie and I decided to run away . Amy was there and we just wanted to get back to mine, minus making small chat. She was wearing some sort of crazy Lycra leotard. With all that lesbian talk, I ended up in bed with kylie. We were doing the whole 'foreplay' thing (on a random bed I had never seen before!) But, it didn't feel right. We were stone cold sober and too old for that shit! She got up and left, so I just pleasured myself instead. (I was so horny!) I then got up and found her lying in a see-through bathtub. I was surprised to see that she now had a penis. It was average in size. Nothing to rant or rave about. I remember looking down at the toilet and seeing banners with bizarre cock illustrations on them. "Why would they ruin such a nice bathroom with such rude drawings?" I pondered. We had to go, our friends gathered us up, but I kept messing around trying to write my dreams down on a notepad (before I forgot them) I was so concerned with this, I had left my shoes and had to go back for them later - when I got back to the house to look for them, my mouth became filled with foam and I kept having to spit it out into a tissue. Only, seconds later, the foam would come back again. My friend's brother was there and gave me back a cd I had made with my favourite tunes on. "Thanks!" I said, foam escaping my lips. I put my hand over my mouth and hoped he hasn't noticed. He then switched on the radio. He was trying to communicate with the 'other side' via static noise, apparently. I left him to it.