The Tiger King Doesn’t Sing His Own Songs! 👑 🎶

Date: 4/1/2020

I remember eagerly needing to tell my husband that the Tiger King doesn’t sing his own songs ... or even write them, for that matter! It was a matter of urgency. I just knew it would knock the wind out of his sails. Next scene; I was looking after my friend’s son. He kept being really rude. I told him off. I then found his brother (who I was also meant to be looking after) with his bum stuck in a plant pot outside. He was really distraught. “Who put you in there?” I asked him. He pointed to this other kid (who I also seemed to be also looking after) I started to walk over to Mrs Goddard to tell her what had happened but, before I could reach her, the ‘naughty’ boys mother came over and told her that everything I was about to say was a lie. I felt hurt and pissed off. When the teacher wasn’t looking, I nodged into the mum and stuck my tongue out at her. Bizarrely, we were then made to get into teams for a PE lesson which involved going scavenger hunting. Annoyingly, I was paired off with this awful mum who had tried to get me into trouble. Her partner had also joined the team. This feeble wetwipe of a man. First we all hand to do an Irish jig in the middle of the street (?!) I saw my son and his friend Rathey taking their go. We all clapped on. After the cringy dancing we embarked on this scavenger hunt which landed us in my daughters bedroom. I apologised on her behalf for the mess. She had left her straighteners on and I ran over in a panic to switch them off. She had also made a bowling alley in her cupboard (?!) I set up the pins and we all had a game. Next scene; I was in this huge supermarket which sold everything with my friend, Nick. He was on a mission to find his wife a pair of shoes to go with her bridesmaids dress. He picked out these gross flat soled sandals. “Those are hideous!” I said. “Oh yeah... they are quite.” He threw them back on the shelf. I was then rummaging through this never ending wardrobe to try to find a pair of heels that would go with a green dress. I stumbled across this black pair (which, for some reason, thought would look nice?!) They must have been about 9 inches high and they were impossible to walk in. “These are perfect!” I said. Next scene; I was making this book with this person I don’t really know all too well. I remember printing images off the computer and sticking them into this massive book. Just as we were putting the finishing touches to our book, this pig flesh-wearing masked man came running up the stairs in a frenzy. He had a chainsaw in his arms and he was threatening to chainsaw my sons head off. Before it was too late, this nun appeared out of nowhere , jumped onto his back and battled him down to the ground. I was relieved beyond words. Next scene; A guy I know called, Mat (W) was looking after this Great Dane which was as big as a horse. Its paw was badly hurt and he was hobbling around. Mat was trying to calm him down whilst studying his injured foot. Next scene; I was in bed with my friend Liz and her giant grey cat. The cat kept licking her face which was making me feel nauseous. I turned around so I had my back to them, but I could still hear the repulsive licking noise.