The One Where I Poop My Pants

Date: 7/5/2019

I’m at a nail salon with Brianna. We’re getting pedicures. It’s her birthday, so everyone starts singing to her (like they do at restaurants). Renee and Andie are in the back of the salon. Andie tells Renee that “Alex (Soren) will be pleased to know” that their next baby will have her last name instead of Jon’s (but in the dream, McQuitty is her maiden name). I remember that this is because Alex’s kids also have different last names (not in real life). I’m inspired to do the same with my kids. The nail salon changes a bit and Brianna is no longer sitting to my right. I’m talking to someone on my left as I literally try to poop with my pants still on. I try to wipe myself while wearing my pants, but it doesn’t work out so well. I look up and realize that Jon McQuitty is across the room from me (he’s also getting a pedicure). He’s looking my direction and making a weird face, so I think he can see me pooping. I turn around and realize that Josh is behind me making weird faces back at Jon. I try to act casual ... I’m at Target and Chadwick Boseman is there signing autographs. There are security guards and a barricade made of chairs around him, but somehow I accidentally walk past the line right near him, thinking, “Wow, it’s Chiwetel Ejiofor” (although I know it’s the guy from Black Panther). I see Kara, Manny, Aidan and Bethany, and I go with them to get in line for his autograph. We realize that the line is miles long ... I’m following Ashlee through a mansion, but she keeps slipping into tiny spaces I can’t fit through. I lose her and find Christina Moraitis, suddenly realizing this is her house (it’s not). I hand her a giant math book. I ask her if she can do my homework for me while I go do something and she agrees to ... Brody and I are in an indoor pool in the dark (but Brody’s name is Zach). There’s some kind of monster in the pool but we can’t see it. Han Solo shows up (probably because this reminds me of the scene in A New Hope with the monster and the trash compactor). He has a long tree cutter and is trying to kill the monster. I keep sticking my hand out to catch it so that I can push it away. I keep seeing a dorsal fin come up, and it looks like a weird mutated crossbreed of small dolphin. Han suddenly turns into Blane, who purposefully falls backward into the pool. He falls in with his head super close to the steps, so I rush over and start petting his head to make sure he’s okay. He looks at me like I’m crazy. We get out of the pool and turn the lights on. I scream when I see the monster, which is actually a purple octopus creature in a blonde wig ... I acknowledge that my dad is in love with Karen Carpenter and “We’ve Only Just Begun” plays.