The One With My Cameron Diaz Tattoo

Date: 3/6/2024

It’s nighttime. I’m in a small house I don’t recognize with everyone preparing for Jaycie’s wedding. I talk to Paley in one of the bedrooms and then go in another one to change. I see myself naked in a full-length mirror and remember that I’ve apparently gotten tattoos all down my backside to cover any stretch marks I got during pregnancy. At first, all I see is swirling colors outlined in black, but then I notice Cameron Diaz’s face and a weird blue anemone. At some point, I end up outside. It’s now daytime and the sky is overcast. I realize that it’s almost time for the wedding but that I’m not remotely ready. I call my mom — who’s doing Jaycie’s hair — to tell her that I need her do help me get ready. I end up walking down a highway on my way to my parents’ house. I end up in my old bedroom — which has been set up as a nursery — with my dad, telling him exactly what articles of clothing to bring for the babies. Suddenly, I realize how pointless this is and say, “I don’t know why I’m not just doing this myself.” I start pulling things out of the closet for them when I see all of my dresses (none of which I own in real life) and realize that none of them will work for the wedding. I suddenly wonder why I didn’t buy something when I had the time. I give the clothes to my dad and walk into another room, planning on meeting him and Renee in the garage so that we can leave together. When I make it in there, however, I find that they’ve left without me. I start to panic when my mom appears and asks me what’s wrong. I start crying hysterically and repeat, “They left me!” I wonder how I’m going to get to the wedding … I take a pregnancy test and it comes up positive.