The One With All the Tortoises

Date: 7/10/2025

Brody and I are sitting on the couch at night when I hear something in the babies’ room. I get up to figure out what it is. When I peer through the door to see Elliott walking around the room and realize he must’ve learned how to climb out of his crib. Somehow, both kids end up in the living room with us. Elliott is standing near the couch when Audrey squares up and runs at him as hard as she can, slamming into him. I pick her up and head toward her room, but I realize she’ll freak out if I just put her back in her crib. Instead, I walk into my room with her and she rests her head on my shoulder and I gently rub circles on her back. At some point, Audrey disappears and I hear music coming from my closet. I realize it’s coming from my antique radio on the top shelf. I climb up to turn it off, but try several dials — one of which turns it off in real life — but it just turns the volume down. I vaguely wonder if I’ll be able to hear it when Brody and I go to bed. I end up on the floor in my room looking at a number of terrariums I have set up on dressers lining the walls. I realize that one of them has a sugar glider in it, and the rest house several small tortoises. I vaguely wonder how long it’s been since I’ve taken care of these animals. I realize that all their water dishes are dry and go to fill them when I notice how unwell all the tortoises in the first terrarium are. I grab one and bring it into the bathroom to cool it down and give it water. It opens its mouth to drink, but the second it gets water on its tongue it starts violently throwing up. I start to feel sick with guilt about the condition these animals are in. I vaguely wonder when I got more tortoises and conclude that it was some time after I gave Ferris and Cam to Alex. Slowly, I get the tortoise to drink and let it soak its shell in the water. I repeat this process with the other two tortoises from the same terrarium when I find a fourth one hiding in the mulch. It’s much flatter than the others — it looks more like a sea turtle — and o wonder what species it is. I carefully examine the rest of the enclosure when I notice a cluster of very small tortoises with huge heads. I realize that these are babies and am shocked to discover this considering that one of the bigger tortoises would’ve had to lay eggs and the eggs would’ve had to hatch without my knowledge. I see the skull of a baby tortoise and vaguely hope that it didn’t die because of my lack of care. I decide that I will go to the pet store the first chance I get to buy new mulch and habitat toys for the tortoises — and think about how I desperately need to get at least a few of the animals to someone who will take better care of them, starting with the sugar glider.