STI's, Clowns and Condoms 😳

Date: 7/23/2017

I was at some sort of religious ceremony, itching to get away. Halfway through, I realised I had no knickers on and had this feeling that everyone in the building knew about this. Paranoid, I took some underwear out of my bag and started putting it on as a discreetly as I could. Sadly, this didn't go unnoticed. One lady insisted that I should go to the sexual health clinic. She was adamant that I had some form of STI. I assured her that I was completely clean, but she wouldn't stop harping on about it. In the end, I went to the clinic, only to walk out with some hair removal. New on the market, it consisted of wax and bandages. Each bandage had to go on for 10 minutes. I was sat in an outdoors bath, putting this paste on that goes under the bandages. Kylie's mum walked by with my kids and told me I stunk. "Thanks, Ali...but it's the wax that smells, not me!" I said, now paranoid that I smelt really bad. The wax was now sizzling under the bandage and I was beginning to get worried, but after the 10 minutes the bottom of my legs were hair free! I applied another bandage onto the top half of my leg and set the alarm. Suddenly, I felt a bit tired and my eyes began to close. But, when I woke up, I realised that I must have overslept the alarm. To my horror, there was now a clown sitting in the bathtub with me. Rather than being terrified, I just told him to piss off. He jumped out pretty swiftly and I never saw him again. When I took the bandages off, there were red scars on my skin and under closer examination, I had grown another ... bum hole. "Is that your bum hole, or is it my brother's?" Kylie asked, appearing out of nowhere. "I guess it's my own!" I replied. She shot me a look of sheer disgust. Next scene; when I walked into my bedroom, I saw that my friend had been up to no good... in my bed! My husband was due home this same day, so I wanted to clear up the evidence. She told me she had used a total of three condoms and wasn't sure where she'd put them. On my hands and knees, I searched high and low...even turning my wardrobe upside down, but to no avail. I was certain that Mat would find the used condoms and think it was me who was up to no good. 😳