“Well, That was a Big Pile of Wank!”

Date: 9/25/2019

By amandalyle

I was out on support with Andrew who was really hard to track down. I eventually found him in the park with his grubby girlfriend and he wanted to go on this old fashioned horse and cart which did a lap around the park. “Okay then!” I said. “But I really must get going afterwards!” We all hopped onto this horse and cart. My son, Alex, then appeared out of nowhere and wanted to have a ride too. I picked him up and strapped him in. The ride was painstakingly slow and I kept glancing at my watch. “For Fuck sake!” I thought. “This is taking forever.” By the time I got off of the ride, I was in a really foul mood and kept saying “well, that was a big pile of wank!” I saw my mum, she was carrying a bag of Andrews medication. “Oh, thank you!” I said and then I gave it to Andrew to take home with him. In exchange he gave me a watery bag of rocks. “Erm... I’m not carry those around!” I yelled, and threw the bag at his girlfriend. By the time I was due to see my next service user it was pissing it down and I was trying to smoke this cigarette in the rain. I then ran through someone’s house so I didn’t get wet, but someone was inside and I felt really awkward about just barging in. I then went into the garden and there was this dog. I bent down and stroked him and this man came over with a rake in his hand, wanting to chat. “I can’t chat!” I said, “I better get going!” And off I ran into the rain. I was annoyed by this point because I had friended someone on the dreaming app and they were charging me £80 to read their dreams. “Fuck that!” I thought. “I need to get this sorted, ASAP!” Next scene; we were at Centre Parcs on holiday and my daughter was meant to be at school. I spotted her skiving and called the school. They told me she had been skiving a lot lately and that she was on her last warning. When I confronted her (and her boyfriend) they both started to laugh. “What’s the matter with you?” I yelled. “Are you stoned?!.” They didn’t answer, just wondered off to the pool, giggling amongst themselves. I could feel the anger building up in me. I followed them over to the pool but it had all changed since the last time we went and the pool resembled various body parts which included the birth canal which had been turned into a tube slide. I chose to ride it, but soon regretted it, as this dodgy surgeon appeared and said that he wanted to inject something into my head. “Um, I’m not sure.” I said. “Come on, It won’t hurt.” He slurred, injection in hand “it’ll go to waste otherwise!” In the end, I let him put the needle in, but as he inserted it, I shot down the slide (AKA birth canal) and escaped. Next scene; Mat’s mum and stepdad Peter were going on holiday to Portugal. Before they left for their travels, she gave me a bag of random bits and bobs including croissants. Peter (my father-in-law) wanted me to keep an eye on their house. I told him not to worry and that I had everything under control. I entered the house, but nothing was as I remembered it. I kept finding clumps of mud in the bed I was sleeping in and throwing it out of the window. Someone was in the garden (possibly my mum?) so I was careful not to throw it too hard. There was also a load of random crap under the bed, which I kept rummaging through. There was nothing interesting. Mainly wicker baskets.