A Hairy Mouth, Social Distancing and a Flamboyant Drag Queen. 👑

Date: 4/17/2020

I kept coughing and coughing. I couldn’t stop. Eventually I coughed up this hair which I pulled up out of my mouth. Streams and streams of it. “You need to stop dying your hair!” My husband scolded. Next scene; I was at this kids party. My daughter, Phoebe, kept bringing all these random things home despite not having any money. “You need to question her about this!” my husband said, “something seems off.” For some reason, she had bought 3 bunches of fake flowers priced £6.99 each. “Phoebe!” I said, as she walked back through the room. “Where are you getting the money to buy all these things?” She shrugged. “And are these yours?” I quizzed, pointing at a row of strawberry cider bottles. “I got them from my friend!” She said, pointing at this chubby girl standing behind her. “Did you buy these for my daughter? Did you? Be honest with me! I need to know!” I ranted. The poor girl was taken back and nodded her head yes. “I don’t believe you!” I snapped. I then went a bit batshit crazy, storming out into the garden and was shouting and screaming. I picked up one of the bottles of strawberry cider and threw it, not realising Phoebe’s friend was stood right behind me and it doinked her right in the head. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry!” I cried, running over to her (...to inspect the damage) She assured me that she was okay. My husband checked her over and said it was lucky she didn’t need stitches. For some reason, I had now lifted her up and was carrying her on my hip like a baby. She had shrunk in size and could only babble nonsensical nonsense. I walked back into the house, sat on a beanbag in front of the the tv and lit a cigarette. My daughter was smoking in the next room and I was sure that she wouldn’t catch me in the act... but then she walked in. I quickly stubbed out the cigarette on my dressing gown(?!) and swallowed down the smoke fumes, so she wouldn’t be able to see. She smiled in the TVs reflection. “She’s onto me”, I thought. Next scene; I was walking through town. There was some sort of street parade happening. I remember my mum walking past, wearing this red and white long sleeved top and sporting a shorter, purple hairdo. I waved and walked on. The streets were lined with lots of people and this band was playing. I couldn’t identity them, but they were really out of tune. I covered my ears and walked on. I came to this strange changing room which, was so tiny, it was the size of a cupboard. It was also minus a door and had a mirror outside it, stretching along a whole row of cubical, so everyone could see each other undress? Completely pointless. I didn’t like the idea of this, so walked on. I arrived at this big castle. I was in either Wales of Scotland(?!) I remember walking behind this group of older people and then becoming conscious that I was standing too close to them. Social distancing and all that. They assured me that it was fine and that the pandemic was long gone. In order to get to the vast castle, I had to cross over this teeny tiny rickety bridge. I watched the older people in front of me jumped down this dark hole. “Shit!” I screamed, as they disappeared out of sight. I thought they had a death wish of something, but then heard their voice. They were okay. I jumped into the darkness, too. Next scene, I was at this party with a group of people I didn’t know from Adam. I was hanging out with a drag queen who was quite the character. She kept strutting around, trying to hit on everyone in sight. Eventually she found this shy and retiring gay guy to hit on and they actually made a really good match. I left them to it. My friend then came over and scolded me for kissing her brother (about 15 years ago!) “he’s married!” She snapped. “Leave him alone.” I was shocked by her anguish towards me. I had no interest in going there with a gay married man?! Next scene; My friend had bought this new sofa from Spain. It had a blanket attached to the arm which had a pocket for the remote control. I remember thinking this was the best thing since sliced break and was overawed by the very thought. “I need to get one of these!” I said. Next scene; All my toenails had turned all thick, gross and long. I stated to peel them off, one by one, revealing beautifully manicured toenails underneath. I was relieved, to say the least.