The Christmas decoration thief

Date: 12/11/2016

I was walking down my road looking at everyone's pretty Christmas decorations, when I spotted a wreath I particularly liked. I needed that wreath. I stole that wreath. As I was walking down the road with it, I felt immense guilt, so I quickly threw it into a ditch and walked on. Next scene; I was having a fake tan done with my friend Jenni. I was butt naked - everything hanging free. She was helping me put the fake tan on with a mitt but when I looked at it in the mirror it looked terrible... beyond streaky! It was as though she only sprayed half of my body. I didn't want to her offend her tanning skills, so I just put my clothes back on with the intention of redoing it when I got home. Next scene; To my horror, when I looked in the mirror at my gums, I saw that they were disappearing by the second. They felt spongy to touch. "What's happening?!" I panicked. I was really worried my two front teeth were going to fall out. "I must book in with the dentist!" I thought. Next scene; My son Alex had a huge dark red rash on his face - I started to panic, but my mum said it was okay - "it's just a boil!" She said "I get them all the time!" She continued, spitting on her hand and wiping the red patch off. My other son Maxi then put on a DVD. "Did you ask nanny if you could watch a DVD?" I asked him, but he went ahead and put the DVD on anyway. "OH! My tv is buggered" my mum grumbled. "It's working perfectly fine" I thought to myself. Next scene; I was in a local shop - it look more American styled than the classic Tesco's express. There was a large box of cigarettes "to buy or not to buy?" I pondered. Then I got paranoid because I had been stood in the shop for too long. "I need milk" I said to a lady at the till. "Right in the corner!" She pointed. I don't remember paying for the milk, but suddenly found myself in my car. My driving skills were questionable to say the least. I almost steered off the road on a few occasions and almost caused a learner to crash. But then my car turned into a bicycle and I was struggling to ride that too. Drivers were growing more impatient with me as I puffed and panting up a steep hill. I then found myself walking - the bike had gone. As I walked, I bumped into a good looking young couple with a child and a cute dog. The couple were squabbling. The daughter (who was a devil child) was pulling on the dogs fluffy coat causing him pain. I wanted to say something, but I bit my tongue and walked on.