Missing him

Date: 4/5/2017

My longtime boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. Part of it was because he didn't want children. Last night was a bad night, I was scared home alone and I thought I heard someone walking on the back porch trying to get in the house. I wished he was there. I eventually fell asleep and I was in space traveling to a colony on another planet. I was pregnant with his child and at one point we get separated. Some terrible event happened and the captain told me I had to abort the baby because where we were going, a child wouldn't be able to make it. They needed me alive, and the baby would slow me down. It was a horrible moment, they injected me with something that killed the baby and parts of it started falling out of my body. I was sobbing. I woke up missing him wishing he was there and wishing this split didn't happen. Why did one value have to ruin an amazing relationship? I suspect it is symbolic for the life I imagined with him, having a child with him, but that dream coming to a screeching halt with the abortion.