I went into my back garden and I saw a hippo. I was taking pictures of it to show Kylie. But then if was chasing after me in a playful kind of way. After a while, it asked him we could play hide and seek because he really liked that game, so I joined him. Next scene; Kendall Jenner dies and kylie (Jenner) uses it to heighten her Instagram fame. She asked me to take a picture of her on a L.A rooftop by a water feature with Kendall's 'taxidermied' body in the background striking a model pose: "I thought this would be a great tribute to my sister!" She gushed. "This is just fucked up!" I thought. Next scene; My friend Kylie (not kylie Jenner!) text me to say she was listening to Nirvana's lithium. "Cool!" I replied. Next scene: Kylie and I were in London. Kylie was getting shitty because Alex had parked a million miles away. As we walked to the car park, she moaned continuously about it while I quietly worried about having enough money to eat out and party. Next scene; We werein New Look (in London) I picked up a black playsuit and then I picked up another... should I get this in red, do you think?" I asked kylie. "Nah! Get the see through one! You can't go wrong with a see through playsuit!" I looked at the transparent fabric in horror. "But you'll see my nips!" I said. Next scene; While Mat was out, I looked through his phone he had left on the side - nothing incriminating! Just a load of boring humanitarian shit! Next scene; I was walking along with my friend Liz, who kept falling down and I had to keep pulling her back up, she then turned into my friend Ash, who started morning about how hard the GCSE's were for kids theses days... she dragged out an old test paper from her pocket and started completing the sums really easily. "Oh my god! She's a genius!" I thought. Next scene; I had forgotten an important date so I just made up a brain condition to wriggle my out of it.