I went to the library and asked if they had my book in print, and in a modest kind of way, I was like "You more than likely haven't, I've probably embarrassed myself now!" The librarian asks me for the code, and says "Oh, you probably wouldn't know it, it's the long code on the back of the book!" "It's a psychological thriller!" I say, trying to help her out. "It's called The Royal Road!" After searching for 10 solid minutes, she finally says "Gotcha!". But, the cover isn't how I imagined it. It was very artsy fartsy. (It featured small girl on the front, in what looked to be an old fashioned cobbled village - but it looked like an oil painting!) "It's also been turned into a film!" The librarian continued, as she handed me a DVD from the back of the book. I pressed 'PLAY' and I soon realised that they have completely ruined the entire storyline. This story was now set in Ancient Rome and featured scary trolls chasing around the other characters in the book. Pink (the singer) played the main role - not who I had in mind, at all. But not only that, she'd sing her lines rather than speak them. I was so angry, I turned it off and had to sit myself down for a bit. Seeing I was upset again, the librarian gave me an old reading record to look at. As I opened it up, sheets of paper flew out. There were lots of different sand drawings. There was a tornado that moved in swirls. Another picture was of waves: I could move the sand up and down. For some reason, I felt instantly calm... until the librarian spoke again ... "I thought it was excellent how they put all your personal pictures at the front of the book!" I flicked through a dozen 'very cringeworthy' pictures and began to shake my head in despair. "Why have they used these hideous picture?" I grumbled. As I flicked through one embarrassing picture after the next, I saw a moving image of a girl on crutches - it's me. A memory... but I have never broken my leg? Suddenly, I am transferred back in time (back to this memory I have no recollection of) I'm with this big guy - a meat head. Ape-looking. A little bit scary. He then started to have a meltdown because someone had taken his baby bottle. "It's okay, it's not the end of the world" I said, "I'm sure it'll turn up!" But he got angry and said someone he knew took it - a magpie ...and there was no chance of him getting it back. Next scene; we were sat around a large table. It was large banquet. Scrumptious food was displayed across the table. Suddenly, a fat and wonderfully camp guy got up on the table and started dancing ... only his flies flew open and he exposed his micro penis. It was flapping two and fro, and I coughed and pointed, trying to give him a 'heads up' (literally!) He saw that his trousers were gaping open, but he didn't seem to care and danced on.