The One With Miss Quirky

Date: 10/15/2024

I’m at what’s supposed to be Calvary Chapel with the babies. I watch as they crawl around the hallways. I grab Audrey and put her on my hip, but she’s the size of a seven-year-old. At some point, I peek into a Sunday school classroom and see a woman who looks exactly like Rosie O’Donnell. I look on the door and see that her name is “Mrs. Quirky.” I open Instagram and see that Rose has posted a long thing about white people on her story. At first, I’m anxious to see what it says, but at the end it basically says that not all white people are bad. I’m relieved. At some point, I end up standing outside where I see a short, thick mixed kid picking on two other kids. I call him out for this and try to set him straight. A tall kid asks me how it is to be a mom, and I say, “It can be tough, especially when your kid is as big as you.” I motion to Elliott, who is somehow black and about my height. He looks like he’s about 16. I think about how time went by even faster than I thought — how it feels like he was just a baby yesterday — and am practically dizzy as I picture him as a baby (how he looks now in real life). I end up in my living room with my parents talking about my trip to Calvary. I’m amazed to learn that they still remember where every classroom is … I’m in a bed in Elliott and Audrey’s nursery — when it used to be a guest room — with Renee and Anne Hathaway. Anne keeps acting like she’s cold, so I go into my room to grab her a blanket.