A Trip Down Bacon Bap Lane

Date: 5/21/2017

I was at the airport, browsing the shops before I boarded my flight. I popped into Holland and Barrett and asked them if they still sold Aloe Vera gel. A young girl told me that they no longer stored it - apparently it goes off too quickly and has caused a number of customer complaints. Instead, she recommended a night cream "Great for tightening skin!" she added. "Okay, thanks. I'll google it!" I replied. I was now on the aeroplane with my family. We got separated, and I had to sit next to some random old person. Over on the next aisle was the young girl who worked for H&B. Turns out she was off on her hols too. She waved excitedly to her boyfriend when he walked onto the plane. I felt a pang of jealousy. I then toked on my e-cigarette and quickly remembered that no smoking was allowed. The old person beside me looked rather unimpressed. Next scene; I had broken into someone's home. I'm not quite sure what I was planning to do? For some reason, I got the impression that it was my old childhood home and that I just wanted to snoop around - curiosity, I guess. When a mother and child were getting ready to do the school run, I sat waiting - close by - for my opportunity to run in, unnoticed. As the mother reached down to peck her son on the cheek, I snuck passed them as quietly as I could, tiptoeing upstairs as quickly as my feet would take me. I ran straight to my old bedroom (which looked nothing like it did when I was a kid) and was shocked to find another child playing with his toys. I put my finger on my lips and told him to hush, and then I hid under the bed when I heard the front door open. "Shit!" I thought. "I hope she doesn't find me here, I'll be in deep trouble!" She walked into the little boys room to check on him, but she didn't see me in the room. Suddenly, I realise that the shoes I had taken off are poking out of the bed. I hope she doesn't see them. The boy then starts to bounce up and down on the bed. It's like he's deliberately trying to piss me off. "You can come out now, Mandy!" A deep male voice I recognised calls out. It's my husband, Mat. What the heck is he doing here? I wonder, struggling from under the bed. As I stumble to my feet, I see that we have turned back in time. He is around 19 years old - the age in which we first met. He was on his bed with a large bacon roll. "Do you want to watch American Horror Story?" He asks, patting the bed next to him. I nod quietly. "If my mum comes in, you must hide!" He warned. Just after these words had parted his lips, his mum walks in. I dive under the duvet and I'm lying next to his giant bacon bap. The duvet is lifted up and she gasps. She's more concerned about the bacon bap smearing grease on the bedsheets than she is about him smuggling in a girlfriend. I felt relieved. Next scene; I was at school with the kids. There was some kind of event going on. Phoebe - who was sporting her new unicorn-coloured hair - ran off with her friends, and I was confused as to where to take the boys. A priest was standing outside of the school "You need to go up this street and make a turn to your right!" He said, kindly. "Where will this take me?" I asked. "The local church, my dear!" He relied. My cheeks flushed crimson. I should have known this. Around the corner, there was no church in sight. Instead, the school was holding a summer fete across some fields "Where can I put this pushchair?" I asked a man who seemed to be in charge. "I don't know. We hadn't planned for pushchairs, I'm afraid! I don't think you'll be allowed in?" Was his half-arsed reply. The skies had opened up and it was beginning to chuck it down and I was growing increasingly annoyed. I tossed the folded pushchair onto the ground and said, "I'm coming in whether you like it or not!"