“I’m a Sucker for You!”

Date: 6/8/2020

My friend, Kylie, and I were walking to the beach. There was this really loud music, which we soon learned was the band, Slipknot, playing on the beach front. A lot of people were complaining about this, but we ploughed our way through the crowds and found a quieter spot. We met my other friend, Ash, who was eating slugs out of a washing up bowl(?!) “Do you want some?” She asked, passing me the bowl. “No thanks!” I replied. I then realised that they were all over my bare feet. “It’s alright.” Ash said, “it’s good for your health! They suck out all the toxins!” I started to freak out because there were so many and they were extremely hard to pull off. In the end, I went to a hair salon and asked them if they could - as part of the hair deal - remove them for me. They weren’t too impressed by my request, but agreed to do it for an extra £5. Next scene; My friend was getting married (again!) and I was one of her bridesmaids (not the MOH... again!) but I couldn’t find my dress (again!) Side note; My friend got married, many moons ago, in Scotland and I was the bridesmaid. We drove all the way there (which took almost 6 hours... in the snow!) and, once parked at the venue, to my absolute horror, I realised that I had left my bridemaids dress at home (in the South West!) I’ll never forget the look of sheer disappointment (and pure hatred) in her eyes as I had to admit what I had done. Bad times. Back to the dream... My fingernails and toenails looked disgusting. Yellow and gross. I was trying to paint them as quickly as I could, when this class of students came walking in. “What the fuck is going on?” I overhead one of them saying. I felt really self conscious and wished I had my own dress and nail varnish to wear, instead of having to raid random cupboards in joy of stumbling over some bridesmaid gold. I ended up wearing a dress that was 5 times too big for me and a garish, sparkly purple nail varnish which didn’t match at all. Amy (the maid of honour 🙄) looked absolutely gorgeous... as always. I sighed heavily. Next scene; I went to the library. I was on a mission to find a book that could teach me to crochet(?!). There was a hot guy working behind the counter. I was a bit embarrassed to ask him, but not as embarrassing as the girl in front of him was, flirting with him relentlessly. She was making a right fool out of herself. She had asked him if he was natural blonde and he shyly shook his head no. That pretty much killed the conversation and the queue moved on. Next scene; I was driving down a country road when I realised it was a one way and had to preform a swift u-turn. The police were now driving behind me and I felt really paranoid. I stopped off at a petrol station hoping I’d lose them, but they made a stop off there too. “I’ve bought my son a baby seat for the car!” I told them.... even though my son is 7-years-old and therefore way too big for a carseat. They just shrugged and started looking for some lunch. One of the officers picked up a bag of Cocopops and asked the other if he’d ever tried them. (Who hasn’t tired cocopops, for the love of God!?) I went up to the cashier to pay for my goods. My son was now with me (but was much younger - maybe 3 or 4) I told him he could have some chocolate, so he found some chocolate buttons. They were extortionately priced and so was the fizzy drinks I was eyeing up in the fridge. £5 for a bottle of Lucazade. I think I’ll pass. I remember making a comment about the prices being shit and the lady behind the counter took offence and said “chocolate buttons are lovely... how could you?!” I tried to explain that I wasn’t calling her chocolate buttons shit, but she wasn’t having any of it and ended up calling me a racist?!