The Russian Mafia, a paranoid wife and eating 'wriggling' plastic spiders

Date: 3/4/2017

By amandalyle

I was in an underground carpark with some others. All of a sudden, the Russian Mafia came running towards us. We didn't want them to get us but one lady, within our group, kept dropping us in it by giving them details of where we lived, and even our postcode. "They live above the chip shop !" I heard one of mafia guys say. "Oh great! They're going to get us now!" I sighed. Next scene; I was watching a show with Mirander in it (that tall comedienne woman who's a bit beeeeeeige!) On the show, she went off to America, but accidentally left one of her kids behind (home alone, anyone?) and she was stuck there for 28 days! The aim of tv show was following her terrified 'abandoned' kid around who pined for his mother and hid from monsters. Next scene; I was sat around a table in bar. There was a nice Irish guy and his wife, who was crazy-paranoid. She grabbed hold of my hand and sniffed it. She then became angry at her husband. "You've been snorting cocaine!" She said. "I know you have!" I could vouch that he hadn't. But, to make matters worse, we all started winding her up by sniffing. She was growing pinker and pinker in the face. "Jeez! She needs to lighten up!" I thought. Next scene; I was in my living room picking up plastic toy spiders and eating them. I could feel them wriggling in my mouth as I did so. "Are they alive?" I wondered. My husband then walked in with one of his legs wrapped up in pink duct tape. Despite this being weird, I didn't bat an eyelid. He was debating whether to take our son Alex to the park on his bike. "He's a nightmare on his bike. Let's hope he forgets!" He said. Next scene; I was watching an old fashioned TV. Inside this TV, our family sat on a sofa a la The Simpson's style. Only this scene looked creepy and it was in sepia. In the still, we were covering the kids eyes with our hands and were balancing candles on their heads. I was absolute convinced that this had some significant meaning. Like, media had been positioning their vulnerable little minds.