The One Where Josh is Scottish

Date: 7/19/2019

I’m watching “The Princess Bride,” but the plot is completely different. Westley is still Buttercup’s main love interest, but there’s another character (I can’t remember who) who also wants to be with her. In the movie, Westley is kind of a jerk and I think about how I’ve never noticed this before. I start to analyze the movie and come to the conclusion that Westley’s blond hair symbolizes that he’s the good guy ... I’m on my phone, watching Jed Wyatt (from “The Bachelorette”) do some kind of live reaction video as he watches a bunch of bad stuff come out about himself on the show. His forehead is bigger than usual, and he’s taking the video at a very unflattering angle ... I continue watching videos, and I find one of myself singing at what’s supposed to be Journey. In the thumbnail, I see that I’m on the stage with a microphone in a stand. There are Christmas trees behind me, and I’m wearing my grey bodysuit and cheetah print pants. I click on it and am suddenly sucked into the video (like when Harry Potter goes into Tom Riddle’s diary). I’m watching myself sing, so it feels like an out-of-body experience. The version of me that I’m watching starts to sing a slowed down version of “Living Hope” and it doesn’t sound much like me at all ... Renee and I are in a random bedroom, watching a video of Josh on “The Voice.” The video is from “ethnicity week,” and Josh is apparently Scottish because he’s climbing all over the stage in a kilt. There are also girls in kilts doing Broadway-esque dances. Renee and I are dying laughing when Josh walks in. We act normal, but Josh is in one of his weird moods and everything he does makes us laugh more. Trying to change the subject, I point at one of the weird instruments that decorate the room and ask Josh about it. He makes a weird face and plops down onto the bed that we’re sitting on so that he can show it to us. When he sits down, the bed sinks a ton. I look at Renee as if to say: “He’s gotten fat.” We’re both shaking with silent laughter ... I’m in my parents’ room watching tv when a weird preview comes on. The guy in it looks familiar (still can’t remember where I’ve seen him), and I realize — and tell my mom — that the preview is from the Steven Tyler movie that’s coming out. It shows the real Steven Tyler laying dead in the woods, and a young guy (who is supposed to be the young Steven Tyler) walking between the trees. Big, gold words come onto the screen, and I read: “The voice that couldn’t be duplicated.” The scene pans back to the young Steven Tyler — who is now looking at himself in a mirror — and I wonder if his mouth is going to be CGI-ed to be bigger. The shot keeps slowly zooming in on his face, and when he opens his mouth, it’s totally gigantic and we’re able to hear one Steven Tyler scream before it fades out.