i am a disappointment

Date: 7/7/2019

i dreamt that mr. riley cast me as ariel in the little mermaid at some theater thing he was doing. apparently it was like a big risk he was taking in casting me so it was like a really big honor. i remember not having memorized a lot of my lines/the songs bc i was really busy, but i felt ready to perform. on opening night one of my costumes wasn’t ready (it was whichever one ariel wears in the scene where ursula takes her voice) and i knew that the costumes were stored somewhere down the street from the theater (i think we were in new york...broadway?) so i legit SPRINTED down the street to get the costume before i went on - but i guess i wasn’t fast enough. so two understudies went on in my place but everyone was P I S S E D at me like i just remember this absolutely CRUSHING guilt like i made mr. riley cry and i just knew that my career was over it was a horrible feeling. and the worst part was that it wasn’t my fault but only i knew that.