My best friend Kylie had moved next door. I was really excited about this and waved to her as I unloaded the shopping from my car. "My dad has bought us presents!" Mat said. "Oh, not another pile of useless shit!" I sighed. He had bought me two pink heart shaped flower pots... "hmm, wonderful" I thought. "Where can I hide these hideous buggers?" Suddenly, I was naked in a bath with Mat and, strangely, his dad was in the bathroom talking to us as though this was normal. I was aware that I was naked in front of him, but didn't seemed bothered by it. I kept looking down at my nipples that had tripled in size. "Holy shit! My nipples are huge!" I thought. Next scene: I was in Claire's Accessories browsing for things for my daughter. As I eyed up some hair scrunchies, the 'hot dad' from school walks in. I try to find a corner to hide in, but he clocks me. "Why is he in here?" I wonder. "Of all the bloody places!" I secretly hoped that he would come over and talk to me, but he didn't. I then walked into New Look and saw an outfit I really liked. Only, it was stuck on this mannequin - who looked the doppelgänger of Emma Bunton - and no matter how much I tugged, it wouldn't come off. "I'll ave eeee!" I said, taking the entire mannequin with me. I can't even remember paying for it, but out the door I trot. Next scene; I was writing letters to lonely men in the army. Others were getting in on the action too. I remember writing really big because I couldn't be bothered to write a lot. But then I looked over to my right, and saw a girl (I used to go to school with - a bit of a teachers pet, if I'm honest!) making an elaborate bedspread made out of old pencil cases. "Bloody hell!" I thought. "I'd better up my game!" Next scene: I was in Primark with someone I knew from school. I was telling her about my wild days. "But you were never a slut, Amanda!" She said. "You aren't like those other girls!"