The Tumbleweed Cheat

Date: 12/31/2016

I was in what looked like an old classroom with people I recognised from high school. It was some sort of school reunion. As I walked through the entrance, the teacher (who resembled an amalgamation of every single one of my past teachers) patted me like a child on the head and stroked my hair down. Was it sticking up? When I looked at my reflection to check, I was horrified to find that I had put on about FIVE times my body mass in weight and I was still sporting size 6 clothing. I had a great big jelly belly that kept poking out of the bottom of my top and my shorts were so tight they kept riding up to reveal my knickers. "Why did I have to wear this hideous outfit??" I cursed, feeling the embarrassment wash over my cheeks. As people gawked at me, I longed for the ground to swallow me up. Next scene; I was organising a hen do for my friend Kylie and thought it would be an amazing idea to put condoms (minus the silver foil wrappers) into pretty little organza bags for the guests.... but I only had five goody bags. "Who else is coming?" I asked. "Hannah H BOMB Hoare!" Kylie replied. "Nah, I'm not doing one for her!" I snapped. We were then looking around a trinket market at all the pretty things, but as much as I looked, I couldn't find anything worth buying...all apart from a flimsy pair of earrings. As I went through the checkouts, a lady walked over to me and asked if I was going to pay for the item in my hand. "Of course!" I said "I just wanted to find some other things to buy first!" Next scene: I was in the kitchen with Mat when he started being really mean and throwing ridiculous accusations around. He told me that he thought I had been cheating on him, but this wasn't the case at all. "But I have proof!" He said, taking his phone out of his pocket. "What kind of proof?" I questioned. "My mum received a text from her friend!" He explained, and then he showed me a picture of a tumbleweed ... "I don't get it? How does this prove I cheated?"