I'm drunk in my hometown, and currently staggering around the streets looking for the rock club. When I enter I walk through the main dancefloor to a back room where elderly people are reciting poetry in an open mic environment. My friend is there and really wants to get up and sing You Know That I'm No Good by Amy Winehouse. He does so, interrupting the person currently up there. It doesn't go down well and we return to the main rock dancefloor. There, a group of people are socialising guinea pigs on the floor and a curvaceous and attractive woman dressed as a fetish version of Spiderman is letting people rub oil into her large and exposed breasts in return for five pounds.