The One With Ryan’s Shocking Announcement

Date: 10/19/2023

I’m standing outside what looks like a casino with Brody waiting for my family to show up. I’ve had the babies, but I haven’t seen their faces or held them yet because Brody has both of them in his arms. As my family approaches, he gives Audrey to me. She’s very small with black hair and a tiny nose. I vaguely wonder if she got her nose from Brody’s side of the family. We start walking inside — with Renee, my mom, Tita Vicki, Alyssa, Dalton, and Ollie — and I smile to myself, pleased to finally be holding one of my babies. I wonder why I’m not more emotional and if I’ll cry when I hold Elliott. We end up in line on a tight staircase (it almost feels like the line for the Simpsons ride) when I start telling my mom off for “telling people I was in so much pain” when I was fine (which she just did in real life). She doesn’t seem to understand why I find this annoying. I try to reel it in when I realize Dalton and Alyssa are staring at me and I haven’t greeted them. I notice that one of Alyssa’s eyes are swollen and red and I suddenly remember that her grandfather has just died (in real life) … I’m in an open field standing next to a small structure or food truck of some kind. I’m talking to Candi and Jaycie when Jaycie mentions that her dad has told her she “makes him nauseous.” I somehow realize he means that she stresses him out a lot. Candi seems confused by all this, and I want to tell her about how Brody used to have a recurring nightmare about his dad yelling at him that would make him throw up (in real life), but realize this will only confuse her more. At some point, the sun starts to set and I’m sitting around the same structure with my family, Doug, Ryan, and Peeps. Out of nowhere, Ryan says, “I just want to announce — since 56 grandpas don’t approve — that I want to have sex with my black girlfriend.” I’m immediately extremely uncomfortable, but also very confused because I know that Ryan’s girlfriend is white. When no one responds, he calmly says, “Yeah, I want to f— my girlfriend.” As he gets up to storm off, my dad gives him some vague-sounding advice about making good decisions. I start to walk away so that I can discuss what just happened with someone … I’m assistant directing an episode of Hannah Montana in the doorway of Renee’s old bedroom. We keep trying to get the same shot of Mitchell Musso, but he continually does the wrong thing with his hand and we have to ask him to fix it several times as the camera zooms in on his face. I end up walking into the room where everything from the show has disappeared. Instead, I find Brody cleaning and organizing. I’m impressed by this and remember that this is going to be Audrey’s room when it’s done. I say something about how being a director is hard … I’m in someone’s master bathroom getting dressed in front of a closet door mirror when I realize I’ve already had the twins and that my body seems to be almost back to normal. I also notice that the stretch marks on my stomach aren’t nearly as bad as I thought they’d be. I go to put on an old pair of jeans and they get stuck around my hips. At first I’m upset, but then I realize this is one of the smaller pairs I owned and that I shouldn’t expect to fit in them anyway.