Just leave me alone!

Date: 11/4/2016

"This is the scariest part of my life now" my mum said grimly as she sat looking at of a window. "I don't Fancy being buried though" she continued. "You want to be cremated?" I asked. The room fell silent. Next scene; I was at a nightclub with some other people - none of whom I recognised - all apart from a dad from school. He was wearing his usual beige coat. He kept looking over at me and I kept looking over at him. "I hope he comes over and talks to me" I thought. I then walked towards the toilets, but before I took the stairs, I saw that the 'dad' was leaving. Disappointment washed over me. I continued to the toilet where I had an urge to do a poo. (I never usually do poos in public toilets but I was desperate!) to the side of the toilet there was a large window looking out onto the street. I saw the dad pass by again and I was conscious that he could see me - doing a poo. I quickly got up and pulled my trousers back on. I watched him climb up a huge Lego brick which turned out to be his bed for the night "he's homeless!" I thought. Next scene; after leaving a shop, I saw a homeless man who started following me. I immediately thought that he was after the contents of what was in my carrier bag and walked even faster. I felt vulnerable. Next scene; on the same stretch of road, I walked into a DVD shop. Mat was there, riffling through a pile of cds. They were heavy metal cds...I remember seeing a "Disturbed" album cover..."Does this surprise you?" He asked. "Nothing surprises me anymore" I wanted to reply but bit my tongue. Apparently he was buying these cds for this girl he had become friendly with. I stormed out of the shop - livid, frustrated and upset. Alex, our son, followed behind me. As I walked quickly down the road I received a text message from him, simply saying "Amanda?" But I ignored it and, instead, started playing a game of GrabbyWord. The next word I put down was "fuck". "What does that mean?" Alex asked me. Next scene; we were back at the house. Mat was there and so was his mother. "I must go to the loo!" She said, walking over to an understair cupboard. "Okay!" I said, "just use that one!" Mat was grinding my nerves. He was like a different person - I didn't want to be around him and I was still reeling from the 'shop' incident.