The One With the Sailfish in the Lake

Date: 9/3/2019

By nicolezdzieba

I’m in a house (from some angles, it looks like mine). Rose, Renee, Brianna, Brody and a few other people are there. One girl (a friend of Rose who I don’t recognize) makes a “reservation for 10” somewhere. Brody tells her that she doesn’t have to stay if she doesn’t want to, and I try to shut him up because he isn’t getting the hint that she’s going to lunch with us ... I’m walking toward the beach when I get a Skype message from Alex about Michelle King — how she’s nervous for her to have a baby. I can’t decide if she’s nervous for Michelle’s health, or if she’s just really against having kids. I start to dread having to tell her that I’m pregnant someday ... Alex and I are overlooking a lake that’s supposed to be in my new neighborhood. It’s huge, and there are several cameras set up around its perimeters (like those binoculars you can pay for on the pier). I look out and see two tiny otters swimming toward us into a underwater nook. I get all excited and drag Alex over with me. We see another shape forming in the water. It’s big, and half of me wants to believe that it’s Nessie. As it gets closer, I realize that it’s a huge blue and yellow sailfish. I think this is awesome, but I then see big scales poking out of the water and realize that a massive alligator is approaching. I tell Alex that we need to get out of here. We start walking quickly, and then turn around to see a 30-foot alligator following us. We end up in some random house. It’s nighttime now, but apparently we’re still working because we get an email about photoshopping something. Suddenly, some “guys from work” (Cam is the only one there that I actually work with) walk in. Alex and I ask them to do the photoshop thing but they ignore us. I say to Cam, “You’re bald — don’t you want to photoshop some hair on yourself?!” He just laughs. I imagine him with a curly, white wig on. I walk into the next room with a random guy who we don’t actually work with and Hector. Hector asks who I was talking about, and I feel bad because Hector actually is bald. I try to change the subject. Jessi comes in and starts joking with Hector, and I’m relieved that she’s here to distract him. Some more people — two white girls and two black guys — come in (I don’t actually know who any of them are). One of the girls asks us how wide we can open our mouths. Her mouth is gigantic, so when she opens it all the way, it takes up half her face. I try to open my mouth wide, but my lips start closing in on the sides. One of the guys we’re with does it, and he also has a massive mouth. I can see all the way down his throat, which is cobblestoning. I realize that the big-mouth girl looks exactly like Cameron Diaz. I look up Cameron Diaz on my phone and find an old photoshoot she did with Chris Hemsworth when she was young (not really). She’s wearing a gaudy, ugly pink prom-type dress in it. I go to ask the girl if anyone ever tells her she looks like Cameron Diaz, but I wind up asking a different girl who’s materialized between us. She’s mixed and looks confused by my question, but the girl I was actually asking pokes her head around and says, “Yes!” I notice that they are also wearing really tacky prom dresses.