Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 4/7/2020
By amandalyle
I had written this deep and meaningful poem (I don’t even write poetry) about the struggles of mental illness ending in a rather dramatic end in which a struggling mother kills herself... but then she wakes up. She was an actress and it was all an act. For some, God unknown reason, I was really pleased with it. I went and printed it out... but, to my horror, it had printed out on this beautiful blanket my husband bought me for my birthday and had hidden in the printer?! He walked in and I confessed to what had happened. He read my poem and I was cringing inside. Hearing it back, it didn’t sound so great and now there was a reminder of it on my lovely new blanket. Next scene; I was back at secondary school and was at this large swimming pool. I had been asked to help these younger year kids to dive. I climbed the ladder right up to the top of this very high platform, but as soon as I got up there, I felt this sickening vertigo. “What’s up?” The teacher yelled up to me. “I’m scared of heights!” I replied. The whole room filled with mock laughter and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I climbed back down the ladder to find my sons were in the pool, playing with some other kid, on this big floating mat. I tried to join in, but they weren’t having any of it. I sat and watched by the side of the pool. Next scene; I was at this party with my daughter and her friends. There was this really stoned guy who passed me over some “special brownie”. At first, I declined... it was half eaten and looked gross, but then I thought “what the heck” and accepted it. I gobbled it down (it was gross!) and then came across all funny. The room started swaying and I suddenly felt really unwell. “How the fuck am I going to drive home like this?” I thought. “Yeah, it gives me a comedown for days.” My daughter said. “Literally makes me want to kill myself in the morning.” A short while later... I had driven and parked up at the river. As I got out of the car, I could hear this screaming. I instantly knew it was my son. There were a few police cars dotted around. I ran past them and saw my son floating down the river, hitting his head on rocks as he did so. I dived into the water and swam after him, eventually grabbing hold of him and pulling him out of the river. Fortunately, he was fine, just a little shaken up.