The One With the Shower Crasher

Date: 3/20/2025

I’m in a large classroom in a new school — it has a very fancy, scholarly feel, more like a university — trying to decide where to sit. I look at all the desks pointed toward the front of the room and walk nearly all the way around the room twice — at one point watching a guy pick a copy of Dracula off a shelf — before I walk down an aisle to sit near a girl who looks nice to me. I look toward the front of the room and see that Jacob Moss is in the front row. At some point, the teacher or professor — a younger man with glasses and a beard who looks a lot like Ming Ming from Elf — comes in and starts chatting with the class. I can tell that he’s good at his job and that the class respects him. At some point, he turns the lights off and walks toward the back of the classroom to hand a goldfish in a bag to a girl who’s apparently his teaching assistant. For some reason, the girl I sat near says something weird about the TA, who then snaps at her. They start going back and forth when the teacher tells them to cut it out, and the girl in front of me says, “Nicole said she was rude!” Everyone turns to look at me, and confused, I laugh and say, “No I didn’t!” I vaguely wonder how she even knows my name. The teacher continues on and mentions the class being somewhere around three hours, and I’m horrified. We end up taking a break, and I go into a bedroom that’s somehow attached to the classroom to take a shower. The girl who picked the fight with the TA appears next to me in the shower and is very offended that I’m naked. Surprisingly unembarrassed, I ask her — with all the irritation I can muster up — what exactly she expected when she hopped in the shower with me. I continue to wash myself as if this is no big deal and she eventually leaves. I finish my shower, get out, and start getting dressed. I put on a pair of baggy, velvet pants and a sequined emerald top. This outfit is weirdly fancy, but I decide that I need to impress my new classmates. I end up putting on very ornate, sparkly eye makeup and one of those weird visor hats with a wig inside that makes it look like I have curly blonde hair. My mom appears and tells me that my pants are too big, but I look in the mirror and decide that I like them anyway because I look super thin. I end up singing “One Short Day” from Wicked with a black girl who’s supposed to be Renee (but is possibly Cynthia Erivo). I end up taking off the visor wig before I reenter the class … I’m immersed in some kind of nature documentary watching a group of animals that are startled by the appearance of an absolutely massive grizzly bear. The documentary says something about it being “250 pounds,” but it looks like it actually weighs easily 1,000 pounds with how tall and thick it is. At some point, I see a huge, cartoonish-looking tiger crouching and getting ready to lunge at the bear. I take this opportunity to run for cover. I end up under a floor that I can see through and scoot backward as a cat walks above me. The scene changes and I end up in an ocean documentary, watching in horror as an enormous great white swallows entire schools of fish and groups of penguins.