Line Shoot

Date: 1/2/2017

I had bumped into a prestigious friend, who told me that the Ashes cricket contest had already almost ended. I felt embarrassed not to have known, and looked up the details of the remaining fixtures. Reading about it in public (in a broadsheet newspaper) I was amazed to see that Japan and Korea were playing a sub-match; as the contest had finished they were playing a game in which the cricket pitch and paraphernalia could be used in any way. An Australian man was reading over my shoulder and I pointed out how strange it was that Japan and Korea were playing cricket; I looked again and it wasn't Korea but Canada. I saw a builder who was doing some drilling outside a puppy shop. His drill was designed to look like an AK47, but a miniature one, made of wood. Another friend of mine, who is a carpenter, came out and I asked whether the guy ever got in trouble for having an imitation weapon. "Nah," said my friend. "Some people do", said the builder. "yeah", said the carpenter, "some new builders, when they get drunk on Friday nights with their lasers...". The two builders started telling me about their holiday in Australia. They were sleeping out very far on an island off the coast; they said, "when we went to sleep at night, the horizon was only this far from our heads." I was amazed, and said I didn't realise the horizon changed in relation to our position on the planet. I tried to articulate this, but was searching for words, and my carpenter friend teased me. I cycled off, and shouted back, "you're an idiot!" I felt very guilty and wasn't sure how I'd make it up to him. I went to buy a scarf from Brick Lane. As usual all the places I'd already visited hadn't updated their stock; I was searching through busy shops for the same scarfs I didn't want. Some young schoolgirls were there - they all knew my name, and were saying it and giggling while I looked for scarves. One of them said, "stop saying his name, he'll think we're in love with him!" and laughed, and ran past me. One of their fathers to them to come on, "leave the man alone." I didn't find a scarf but I resolved to tell my carpenter friend to be more positive. I was nervous. As a celebration, there was a competition - hunter gatherers had to shoot their arrows as close as possible to a string stretched tight in the air. As they struck the string, it became a hole, and then Japanese women (sultry) started shooting it. The hole became a wide, jagged gash as they continued taking shots, with skill. The winning female archer became dismissive of the woman judging the competition, and drew her arrow - instead of firing, she spat slowly then let the arrow fly a short distance. The other contestants laughed and copied her example, spitting on thr points of their arrows and shooting very short distances. I went to see my carpenter friend. I felt nervous. I said, "You have to be more positive." "I know", he said. "I know I should build up to saying this, but I've known you so many years." "Thank you." he replied. "Bishop's Stortford, being a man, bullshit, can't say you like anything, Birchwood High." "I know, I know." I was amazed he'd just let me say it.