The One With the Surrogate Ross

Date: 4/4/2025

I’m in a hospital for the birth of what supposed to be my baby (or babies, not sure how many), which is somehow being carried by Ross Geller. They start prepping him for a c-section and explaining the procedure to him as he takes his pants off. I notice that the doctor is a very sweet black woman (possibly the lady in the divorce attorney scene of Enchanted) with a hint of an African accent, and I’m immediately excited because I’ve always joked about how I only want my kids to be seen by a black female doctor — and because I’ve recently become enamored with Africa again. I’m happy that she’ll be the one here for the delivery and feel like God must have done this especially for me … I’m staying in a house (possibly an Airbnb) when I sit at an outdoor table with Alyssa and Renee. They look at me a little funny and tell me they’ve been looking at my old Instagram. They show me a sequence of posts I made: the first, a picture of soldiers, the second, a selfie with some sort of sarcastic caption. I realize that I’ve somehow offended Alyssa by having posted a lighthearted joke right after something about the soldiers. I struggle to remember if I only posted about the soldiers to acknowledge some sort of major event in order to post a selfie with a clear conscience and think about how that’s technically worse and weirder. I say something about how she needs to understand that this was a long time ago when I used to post stupid things to be funny. For the rest of the day, Alyssa is so mad that she can barely look at me — which gets me mad at Renee for starting all this unnecessary drama by showing her my Instagram. My mom asks what’s going on, and I glare at Renee. At some point, it’s nighttime and I’m in my own bathroom getting ready to go out. I decide that I don’t care if Alyssa wants to be mad at me for a post I made years ago. Suddenly, Dalton (it’s not actually Dalton, but it’s supposed to be him) appears in the bathroom door and asks for help with the shower in the other bathroom because he’s can’t get the temperature right. I go out to help him (outside of my room, the house is completely different from my house) and — at some point — realize that I’m completely naked. I try to act like everything is normal so that he doesn’t notice. As I leave him in the bathroom, I think about how this is something that should actually make Alyssa mad.