Elves Are Devious Creatures

Date: 1/17/2019

A man jumped through my bedroom window, but an elf popped out of the air vent in my room and said a spell that made the intruder freeze in mid air. The elf's name was Steven and apparently he had been living in the air vent my whole life. He said he was my guardian and would help me on my journey, but I felt bad for the little dude since for the past week I hadn't left my bed and had eatten a months worth of potato chips. So Steven had literally watched me eat chips for a whole week confused about why he got assigned to the laziest human ever. The introder was zapped into space with another one of Steve's spells and for some reason, I thought putting a stack of pillows where my now broken window, was a brilliant idea. After finishing the wall of pillows, I turn around and Steve has a gun pointed to my head with a mischievous grin on his face. He chanted some spell and I was teleported to his world, I assume. I meet their king and they decide that stabbing me with tiny toothpicks is the way to go. (The elves are the size of the toothpicks.) In the end, I bled to death after a full day was getting stabbed.