“Get Outta Ma Shower!” *Said in Classic Pat Butcher Tone* 😡

Date: 8/30/2019

By amandalyle

I was having a lovely hot shower but had forgotten to lock the door when, to my absolute horror, my daughter and her friend burst through the door and demanded that I get out so they could shower together (a bit weird?) I broke out into a rage. Ain’t no way in hell I was going to give up my shower for my daughter and her friend. Seeing red, I leapt out of the shower and started ranting to my daughter (and her friend) about being disrespectful and invading my privacy. “Get Outta Ma shower!” I yelled, shaking my fists. My daughter just laughed, which pissed me off even more. She seemed stoned and distant. I then started having a go at her friend (who had changed into that trans actress from Euphoria) and I called her a flat chested bitch and stormed off back to my shower. After a while, I felt remorse at being so mean to my daughter’s friend (I mean, calling her a flat chested bitch was a low blow!) and, after getting out of the shower, I asked her for her forgiveness. At first, she was reluctant and my daughter kept saying “you shouldn’t mess with Sarah! She knows people!” (This kind of put the fear of God in me. **whispers** ...She knows people!!!) But, eventually, she not only forgave me but we became new best friends and I kept picking her up (like a baby?) and telling her how tiny and beautiful she is. (She had shrunk and was now super tiny) We then went off on an adventure (leaving my grumpy daughter behind) and we met up with some friends at this music festival, where my friend Laura and my husband, Mat, were sinking back strawberry ciders together. They were talking about where we should go travelling next; strange destinations like Iraq and Afghanistan. “No thank you!” I remember thinking. Me and my new best friend, Sarah, headed off to this huge tent to catch a look at what was going on. “Tell me what’s happening over there!” Laura shouted over. We peeped our heads through a gap in the tent to find that it was some kind of weird Wallace and Gromit convention. Thousands of people were queuing up. “Fuck this!” We thought, and off we went, exploring the now dark streets. At one point, I remember squeezing past a big camper van, but I had put on some weight and my bum was waaaay too big and the alarm went off and kept getting louder and louder, so we ran off before anyone could catch us. We then spent what felt like hours trying to get a taxi back, but every time we ordered one, it never showed up. Ffs! Eventually we tracked one down and I turned to Sarah and said “I think we should go back to Phoebe now! (My daughter) She agreed. When we got back to the house, Phoebe was slouched on the floor on her back and hadn’t even realised that I had robbed her best friend for the past few hours. I said my goodbyes and then headed downstairs, where my best friend Kylie was fixing us up some Gin’s. We were throwing a party. But I kept rummaging through my bag, thinking that I had lost something and not really enjoying the party vibes. Next Dream; I was in town with my favourite service user, Paula and she kept going into every single shop and spending a ridiculous amount of money. It was making me feel uncomfortable, knowing she didn’t have two pennies to run together and yet she was spending like she’d hit the jackpot. “I think you need to calm down on the spending, Paula!” I said. I then vaguely remember seeing my aunty (who died last year) and thinking “but she’s dead!” ... but then my son started playing Fortnite really loudly and I woke up. Dammit! (Could have been a lucid dream!)